Angry People

I was watching Dr. Phil (I know, I know. I am strangely addicted even though I disagree with half the things he says.) and it was a show about people who have anger problems. People who break things, yell at people, and cause an overall ruckus when they get upset. On the show they were saying that there is now a test to see if you have the so-called "warrior gene" which may make people more prone to anger. I wasn't so much interested in that because I think everyone has anger in them from time to time and everyone can learn to control it. It doesn't matter to me whether someone has the "warrior gene" or not. It matters how they treat people.

What did interest me was when one of the angry people on the show asked Dr. Phil,"If I don't get angry, how will the other person know they have done something wrong?" Dr. Phil replied, basically,"It's not your job to police the world. You don't know what the circumstances are of the person you are angry at. You would inspire much more compassion from others if you were kind rather than angry. No one says,'I really want to spend more time with that jerk and help them with their problems.'"

O, Dr. Phil, you won me over yet again. I feel the same way about anger. It solves nothing. It pushes people away.

It was also said on that show that anger is a secondary emotion. Angry people are really feeling frustrated, hurt, or scared. It only comes out as anger. Think of a hurt animal that bites when you try to help it. It is not biting because it is angry. It's biting because it is hurting and it doesn't know what else to do. People are the same way. They lash out in anger when they are hurting. The problem is, no one wants to help someone who is always "biting". But humans know better than animals. They can learn to not hurt others when they are angry and ask for help instead. That's the way I try to be. When I feel myself getting angry I remind myself that being mean will not help me. I try to remind myself that I am not perfect, so how can I judge the actions of others? I tell myself that I don't know the circumstances in someone's life that motivate their actions. But most of all, I remind myself - Be kind.