Being back at my retail job gives me oodles of spare time to do whatever my little heart desires. That's the problem. It's not that I can't think of things to do. Ask me right now and I could give you a list a mile long of things I COULD do. I could clean, do the dishes, wash the car, work in the yard for days on end, draw, paint, craft, cook, read, scrapbook, watch t.v., listen to music, go to the store, call someone, make a goal, exercise, plan a trip, look at funny videos on Youtube, and on, and on....... But do I feel motivated to do any of those things? No. Do I have a burning desire to do anything? Not really.
Maybe some people are born with the drive to make something out of their life, or maybe they somehow develop it over time. Either way, I seem to have missed the boat. I am ambivalent about almost anything, and if I try to develop a love for something I usually end up disliking it instead.
Take college for example. A lot of people go into it not totally sure what they want to major in. The general advice is usually to take a few introductory classes, and once you find something you like, you will want to learn more about it, and so you will take the more advanced classes. Not so with me. Sure I liked plenty of the introductory classes. But once I got to the higher-level classes, I quickly got overwhelmed, and learned to hate what I really liked previously.
I don't know where I am going with this other than to say, finding a purpose to your life is not as easy as it seems. The one thing I thought I always wanted will probably never happen, so I am stuck with no Plan B. When people ask me why I don't go back to school, I don't know what to say. How can I explain that no amount of soul searching thus far has produced a drive or a passion for anything? Should I just pick a career out of a hat and go for it? Do I need some kind of mood-altering drugs to make me excited and ambitious? I really don't like that idea since it is my opinion that most drugs do more harm than good. Well, at least I have plenty of time to wait for the ambition boat to come back around. Let's hope that it does.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Long and Tedious
The past few weeks I have been struggling to get a new pair of glasses. Struggling? Yes, struggling. You wouldn't think it would be too hard, and it never has been until this time.
I noticed my eyesight seemed a little worse a few months ago. (Probably from reading all those tax forms. But I also read in a magazine that as we age the muscles in our eyes get weaker, making it harder to adjust them. How depressing is that?) ANYWAY, I have accepted poor eyesight as a part of my life. Both of my parents wore glasses almost their entire lives, so I couldn't really expect to dodge that bullet.
I went through an anti-glasses phase where I would only wear contacts, but that ended abruptly when my contacts starting doing less "helping me see better", and starting doing more "making my eyes feel like they were on fire". I know there are now better contacts out there that don't hurt like hell, but I have become accustomed to the ease of glasses so much so, that when I am not wearing them, I almost feel naked.
That brings me back to my new glasses. I had grown very attached to my old glasses, so I wanted the new ones to be just as great. When you wear something on your face everyday of your life, nothing short of perfection will do.
Mike found a really nice eye doctor whose office is near our work. So I went there and got an exam and everything was great. But then I had to deal with the receptionists. They were friendly, of course, and one of them tried to help me pick out some new frames. But I quickly became overwhelmed when she kept piling frame after frame in front of me and asking me to narrow it down. I wanted to be very sure of something I would be wearing everyday, but I ended up just picking one because it felt rude not to buy from the place that did my exam.
Fast forward about four days, and my new glasses are ready to pick up. I pick them up, and right off the bat, I am not sure if they are right for me. Not to mention, the receptionist just handed them to me and didn't ask much about how they felt. Later that day, I discovered that they where not, in fact, transition lenses like they where supposed to be. So I decide since I am going to have to return them anyway, I might as well get some frames that I like better. I found some at Shopko that I was much more comfortable with, even though they seemed slightly crooked since I bought the floor model. I was confident, however, that the eye doctor could fix that.
The next Monday, Mike takes my glasses in to be exchanged and they assure him that they can get the right lenses and fix the crooked frames. They DO NOT give me any sort of compensation for screwing up the first pair. In fact, they charge an extra $71 for an anti-glare coating that I decided I wanted. "Oh well", I thought, "at least I will finally get what I want."
Fast forward TWO WEEKS. (No more fast service when they have to do it right.) My glasses are ready again and I pick them up, and I can immediately tell they have not been straightened, so I ask the receptionist about it and she says, "I assume they straightened them." "ASSUME?!" I think, "Why can't you fucking make sure you do what I ask for?" Still, I hold it in and try to ignore the feeling since the smiling receptionist and Mike both tell me that they look straight. Once again, the receptionist doesn't ask if they need to be adjusted. She just sends me on my merry way.
Later that day, I discover that my new glasses slide down my nose every time I look down, and I can't take it anymore. I burst into tears, put on my old, comfy glasses, and spent the rest of the day sulking and defeated.
I refused to wear my new glasses or to do anything about them until today, when I finally got out of my funk. I decided to make one last effort and bring them into Shopko to see if anything could be done. Low and behold, a sweet old lady working at the eye center spent about five minutes with my glasses, and they felt wonderful! I was on cloud nine, and the eye center lady might as well have been an angel. I am so relieved, I don't even care much if they look good on me. They FEEL good, and that makes me ecstatic.
Here are a few pictures to break up this long, and probably very boring, story.
My old glasses. (Still my first love.)
The first pair. (Not too bad, but not right for me.)
The final, and hopefully last, pair for a long time.
They will still take a little getting used to, but I am so glad the whole thing is over with. I will probably never return to that very nice eye doctor. Sorry, but your receptionists, and the place that makes your lenses, suck.
I noticed my eyesight seemed a little worse a few months ago. (Probably from reading all those tax forms. But I also read in a magazine that as we age the muscles in our eyes get weaker, making it harder to adjust them. How depressing is that?) ANYWAY, I have accepted poor eyesight as a part of my life. Both of my parents wore glasses almost their entire lives, so I couldn't really expect to dodge that bullet.
I went through an anti-glasses phase where I would only wear contacts, but that ended abruptly when my contacts starting doing less "helping me see better", and starting doing more "making my eyes feel like they were on fire". I know there are now better contacts out there that don't hurt like hell, but I have become accustomed to the ease of glasses so much so, that when I am not wearing them, I almost feel naked.
That brings me back to my new glasses. I had grown very attached to my old glasses, so I wanted the new ones to be just as great. When you wear something on your face everyday of your life, nothing short of perfection will do.
Mike found a really nice eye doctor whose office is near our work. So I went there and got an exam and everything was great. But then I had to deal with the receptionists. They were friendly, of course, and one of them tried to help me pick out some new frames. But I quickly became overwhelmed when she kept piling frame after frame in front of me and asking me to narrow it down. I wanted to be very sure of something I would be wearing everyday, but I ended up just picking one because it felt rude not to buy from the place that did my exam.
Fast forward about four days, and my new glasses are ready to pick up. I pick them up, and right off the bat, I am not sure if they are right for me. Not to mention, the receptionist just handed them to me and didn't ask much about how they felt. Later that day, I discovered that they where not, in fact, transition lenses like they where supposed to be. So I decide since I am going to have to return them anyway, I might as well get some frames that I like better. I found some at Shopko that I was much more comfortable with, even though they seemed slightly crooked since I bought the floor model. I was confident, however, that the eye doctor could fix that.
The next Monday, Mike takes my glasses in to be exchanged and they assure him that they can get the right lenses and fix the crooked frames. They DO NOT give me any sort of compensation for screwing up the first pair. In fact, they charge an extra $71 for an anti-glare coating that I decided I wanted. "Oh well", I thought, "at least I will finally get what I want."
Fast forward TWO WEEKS. (No more fast service when they have to do it right.) My glasses are ready again and I pick them up, and I can immediately tell they have not been straightened, so I ask the receptionist about it and she says, "I assume they straightened them." "ASSUME?!" I think, "Why can't you fucking make sure you do what I ask for?" Still, I hold it in and try to ignore the feeling since the smiling receptionist and Mike both tell me that they look straight. Once again, the receptionist doesn't ask if they need to be adjusted. She just sends me on my merry way.
Later that day, I discover that my new glasses slide down my nose every time I look down, and I can't take it anymore. I burst into tears, put on my old, comfy glasses, and spent the rest of the day sulking and defeated.
I refused to wear my new glasses or to do anything about them until today, when I finally got out of my funk. I decided to make one last effort and bring them into Shopko to see if anything could be done. Low and behold, a sweet old lady working at the eye center spent about five minutes with my glasses, and they felt wonderful! I was on cloud nine, and the eye center lady might as well have been an angel. I am so relieved, I don't even care much if they look good on me. They FEEL good, and that makes me ecstatic.
Here are a few pictures to break up this long, and probably very boring, story.
My old glasses. (Still my first love.)
The first pair. (Not too bad, but not right for me.)
The final, and hopefully last, pair for a long time.
They will still take a little getting used to, but I am so glad the whole thing is over with. I will probably never return to that very nice eye doctor. Sorry, but your receptionists, and the place that makes your lenses, suck.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Tackling the Jungle
Spring is on its way yet again, and while I am super excited for the nice weather, I am not so excited about what the melting snow is uncovering in my yard. It's not that I have a horrible yard. I have seen much worse. It's just that when I look at my yard I feel like a tiny ant in a huge forest. It needs work. Lots of it.
If I had oodles of time or money, maybe I would have some idea of were to start. I could hire some people to get it to a manageable state, and then keep it up myself from there. But as it stands, I don't have money for that, and my own efforts amount to little more than picking up sticks or cutting off a small branch here and there. That's not going to cut it. I have whole trees that need to go. WHOLE TREES!
Trees seem so insignificant when they are small. You feel like a giant who can crush them at a whim. However, when they get bigger, how the tables turn. Tree can now not only crush you, but your house and car as well. You must bow to their every command, because getting rid of just one branch takes a truckload of heavy machinery. Tree wants to grow roots into your pipes and mess them all up? Tree does that. Tree desires to drop a truckload of leaves in your yard? No stopping tree. Tree wants to take over the entire yard? Tree is now king of the yard.
Trees aside, the lawn is more weeds than lawn. The ground it mostly hard as a rock. There is no secondary water. The pear trees drop hundred of nice squishy pears on the ground. One tree is infested with some sort of bugs. There are piles of debris left from the old owners. And to top it all off, I think we have gophers. I take it back. I do have a horrible yard.
On my days off from work, it is hard to get the motivation to tackle any part of the yard, because it all seems so hopeless. But perhaps if I take it one tiny step at a time, progress will be made. Lets just hope I can chop faster than the plants can grow.
If I had oodles of time or money, maybe I would have some idea of were to start. I could hire some people to get it to a manageable state, and then keep it up myself from there. But as it stands, I don't have money for that, and my own efforts amount to little more than picking up sticks or cutting off a small branch here and there. That's not going to cut it. I have whole trees that need to go. WHOLE TREES!
Trees seem so insignificant when they are small. You feel like a giant who can crush them at a whim. However, when they get bigger, how the tables turn. Tree can now not only crush you, but your house and car as well. You must bow to their every command, because getting rid of just one branch takes a truckload of heavy machinery. Tree wants to grow roots into your pipes and mess them all up? Tree does that. Tree desires to drop a truckload of leaves in your yard? No stopping tree. Tree wants to take over the entire yard? Tree is now king of the yard.
Trees aside, the lawn is more weeds than lawn. The ground it mostly hard as a rock. There is no secondary water. The pear trees drop hundred of nice squishy pears on the ground. One tree is infested with some sort of bugs. There are piles of debris left from the old owners. And to top it all off, I think we have gophers. I take it back. I do have a horrible yard.
On my days off from work, it is hard to get the motivation to tackle any part of the yard, because it all seems so hopeless. But perhaps if I take it one tiny step at a time, progress will be made. Lets just hope I can chop faster than the plants can grow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)