Uninspired

I like to think of myself as a somewhat creative person. As a child I always gravitated towards art, writing, and music way more than things like science, math, and technology. I am far from as talented as those who create art for a living, but I also think I have a certain knack for seeing things that others don't and creating some sort of art out of what I see. Well lately I just can't seem to find that creative spark. I want to draw something badly, but every time I try to think of something I draw, I have few ideas and I reject every one of them.

I've heard of this creative block happening to other people before, and I'm not sure how they get out of it. Should I just start drawing something even though my heart is not into it? Is creating art a skill that needs to be practiced, or is it simply talent and inspiration? I must admit that part of my hesitation to draw is that I don't feel like I am good enough. I know I am better than some, however I feel I pale in comparison to some of the artists I see on the internet. I know art is not really meant to be compared. It is your own expression and is thus meant to be something only you can create. But let's admit it, everyone judges artwork and if they feel you are not good enough, they will usually let it be known.

I am somewhat of the opinion that art does need to be practiced to improve certain techniques and abilities. It's just so hard to practice something that also requires a certain amount of dedication and emotion to create. If you don't feel the emotion, you don't want to practice, and you find yourself in a never-ending spiral of not doing anything. I hope I can find my inspiration again soon, because once I have a little baby to take care of, I know I will have even less time and energy to devote to art. I certainly don't want to think that my drive to create has ended forever.

Major Changes

I have decided I am finally ready to announce what the "major changes" are that I mentioned in a previous post. Mike and I are expecting a baby boy in August! It came as such a shock at first because I had pretty much given up on having children after seven years of no success. Even now there are moments I can hardly believe that this is happening. Of course I was so happy when I found out, but I also had to make a big mental adjustment. After seven years of convincing myself that I could be happy without children, I was finally starting to settle into that attitude. Then in an instant I had to switch back to the idea that I was going to be a mother. That is a lot for anyone to take.

Now I am so overjoyed and filled with love when I think of my little boy or when I feel his tiny kicks inside of me. But another emotion that comes with getting pregnant is worry. I worry that he will be healthy. I worry about protecting him from the harsh world he is being born into. I worry about whether I will be a good mom, and how I will know what is best for him. I worry about teaching him what is right and providing for him.

I am hoping that many things will come naturally and that I will also learn a lot from friends and family. I may be an older mother with less energy, but one thing I have going for me is more knowledge and life experience. I know I won't be a perfect mom, but I know I will be better now than when I was in my 20's. I also know that this little boy will be loved a huge amount by so many people, and that can't hurt is odds at growing up well.

So I guess now I am officially a mommy blogger. It still blows my mind that someone will call me "mom". However, all big changes take a bit of time to adjust to. I'm sure in no time I couldn't imagine my life without my little boy.