Have you ever had a love/hate relationship? Up until a few years ago I would have said the very idea of such a thing is silly. Either you like someone, or you don't. You get along with someone, or you don't. But now I think I have that exact type of relationship with someone, and I have to say I liked it better when I thought it didn't exist, because it is very confusing. One moment you are getting along perfectly well, and the next they make you feel like you are the scum of the earth.
I would have never thought it possible if it hadn't happened to me. I mean, who can be kind to a person one minute, and a complete jerk the next? I think it is usually someone with some kind of emotional or mental problems. That doesn't make you feel any better, though, when that person is mean to you.
Many times I have sworn off ever talking to this person again, only to be sucked back in the second they show some kindness. I guess I am just a sucker, or I just want to believe in the good in people. I always think that the hurtful comment will be the last one.
I'm not sure what to do with such a relationship other than follow through on my resolve to never speak to them again. Hoping for the best might work as well. Yeah, I might get beat up a little, but maybe in the long run my sacrifice will help that person become the good person that was inside them all along.
Friday, December 27, 2019
Friday, August 30, 2019
Manageable Changes
Posts are getting few and far between these days because chasing around a one-year-old is just as much work as everyone says it is. Also, we finally took the leap and moved into a new house! So far we are loving every bit of it. We love the three bathrooms, the central air, the open concept, and the separate living and bedroom spaces. Truly, I never thought I would be brave enough to move again since the last time we moved it was overwhelmingly stressful. But with lots of help and support from my lovely husband (and a little more support from anxiety medication), we were able to make the move with significantly less stress than last time.
Our new home is a town home, so I don't have to worry about taking care of the yard, which was a major hassle in our last place. It was built in 2000, which is much, much newer than our previous home which was built in 1902. Don't get me wrong, I love the character of historical homes, but I have decided over the years that I am no longer up for the quirks and problems that come with a house like that. Less character, for me, means less cleaning, headaches, and fixing. A fair trade in my book. Overall, it has been a pretty seamless transition.
Being a mother to a toddler, on the other hand, has had a few bumps in the road. Most of the time I am loving how cute he is and how he is learning and growing every day. But then there are those times when he wants to play with everything except his toys, and as soon as you clean up one thing he has already destroyed five more things. Those times make me want to crawl into the closet and scream for a little while. However, all in all, I love being a mother.
I'm hoping that going forward, I will be able to devote more time to blogging. Still, don't hold your breath. I have this little guy to attend to, and who couldn't love a face like this?
Our new home is a town home, so I don't have to worry about taking care of the yard, which was a major hassle in our last place. It was built in 2000, which is much, much newer than our previous home which was built in 1902. Don't get me wrong, I love the character of historical homes, but I have decided over the years that I am no longer up for the quirks and problems that come with a house like that. Less character, for me, means less cleaning, headaches, and fixing. A fair trade in my book. Overall, it has been a pretty seamless transition.
Being a mother to a toddler, on the other hand, has had a few bumps in the road. Most of the time I am loving how cute he is and how he is learning and growing every day. But then there are those times when he wants to play with everything except his toys, and as soon as you clean up one thing he has already destroyed five more things. Those times make me want to crawl into the closet and scream for a little while. However, all in all, I love being a mother.
I'm hoping that going forward, I will be able to devote more time to blogging. Still, don't hold your breath. I have this little guy to attend to, and who couldn't love a face like this?
Wednesday, January 30, 2019
A Different Kind of Happy
Having been through many years of infertility struggles, I know what it is like to want a child so bad and to not be able to make it happen. That being said, I now know what it is like to have been pregnant and to have a child, and I am here to say that it is not the end-all be-all. Is it amazing and miraculous? Sure. But there are many other things in life that are amazing and miraculous.
I used to think that I would never be fully happy unless I had a child, and I'm sure that's how many infertile people also feel. However, now that I have seen the situation from both sides, I'm very sure I could have been just as happy without a child as with a child. That doesn't mean that I wish I didn't have my son. He makes my life so happy and joyful and fulfilling in many ways. I just think it is a different kind of happy than if I hadn't had a child.
I know it is difficult if not impossible to convince someone that having a child will not make them happier than not having a child, because they feel like they will never be sure unless they experience it for themselves. I will just put my two cents in and say that it is my belief that you can be just as happy either way. So don't loose hope if you are struggling to conceive and to find your purpose in this world. Life is amazing and complicated and wonderful, and for the most part you never know where your path will take you. Just keep believing that there are different paths to fulfillment and happiness.
I used to think that I would never be fully happy unless I had a child, and I'm sure that's how many infertile people also feel. However, now that I have seen the situation from both sides, I'm very sure I could have been just as happy without a child as with a child. That doesn't mean that I wish I didn't have my son. He makes my life so happy and joyful and fulfilling in many ways. I just think it is a different kind of happy than if I hadn't had a child.
I know it is difficult if not impossible to convince someone that having a child will not make them happier than not having a child, because they feel like they will never be sure unless they experience it for themselves. I will just put my two cents in and say that it is my belief that you can be just as happy either way. So don't loose hope if you are struggling to conceive and to find your purpose in this world. Life is amazing and complicated and wonderful, and for the most part you never know where your path will take you. Just keep believing that there are different paths to fulfillment and happiness.
Thursday, January 17, 2019
Former Grammar Nazi
Well we made it though Christmas with our little boy, and it was surprisingly not that bad. Every day there are new and different challenges being a parent, but I think there is a general upward trend in terms of comfort and ease. Not to say that it is comfortable or easy, but that it is becoming more so. So I thought this time I might channel my old self for a moment and write about something not associated with parenting.
I would say that I am a person who is concerned with proper grammar and spelling. Since I tend to be anxious once in a while, there are many things I am probably overly worried about. Sometimes that helps keep me focused and organized. Other times it stresses me out and I judge others who don't have the same standards as me.
I would like to change the way that I judge other people too harshly, and I recently learned something that is helping me do that. I learned that grammar and language do not adhere to hard and fast rules like we all tend to think they do. In fact they are almost constantly changing. Just think about all the new words that have been added to the dictionary. I remember a time when no one had any idea what "googled" meant. I was sometimes incredulous when new words where added. I would think, "They can't add that! It's slang!" or "That is a dumb word." But I soon came to realize that it doesn't matter what I think of the words. It matters if people as using them. It doesn't even matter if they are using them correctly. The meanings of words can change. Remember when "gay" was only another word for "happy"? I am almost certain that if someone says "gay" these days, it doesn't mean "happy".
Grammar changes also. I would always hear rules like, "Don't start a sentence with "and" or "because"" or "Don't end a sentence with a preposition." I took these rules very seriously for a long time, and, sadly, I only recently realized that they don't really matter. I read books by famous authors who constantly break these rules. In reality, you can write however you want. Grammar and spelling only sometimes help to get your point across.
Old habits die hard, and I will probably be at least somewhat concerned with language and grammar until the day that I die. But I am trying hard not to judge others by the way they use language. Just because something sounds like slang to me, doesn't make it any less valid. Maybe that person grew up in a place where that was the only way language was used. How can I judge them for using the same language that everyone around them uses? How can I look down on someone for not ever hearing how other people might say something? I will always try to look at different language as a learning experience, rather than being dismissive of it, because isn't being open-minded all about learning how other people think and do things?
I would say that I am a person who is concerned with proper grammar and spelling. Since I tend to be anxious once in a while, there are many things I am probably overly worried about. Sometimes that helps keep me focused and organized. Other times it stresses me out and I judge others who don't have the same standards as me.
I would like to change the way that I judge other people too harshly, and I recently learned something that is helping me do that. I learned that grammar and language do not adhere to hard and fast rules like we all tend to think they do. In fact they are almost constantly changing. Just think about all the new words that have been added to the dictionary. I remember a time when no one had any idea what "googled" meant. I was sometimes incredulous when new words where added. I would think, "They can't add that! It's slang!" or "That is a dumb word." But I soon came to realize that it doesn't matter what I think of the words. It matters if people as using them. It doesn't even matter if they are using them correctly. The meanings of words can change. Remember when "gay" was only another word for "happy"? I am almost certain that if someone says "gay" these days, it doesn't mean "happy".
Grammar changes also. I would always hear rules like, "Don't start a sentence with "and" or "because"" or "Don't end a sentence with a preposition." I took these rules very seriously for a long time, and, sadly, I only recently realized that they don't really matter. I read books by famous authors who constantly break these rules. In reality, you can write however you want. Grammar and spelling only sometimes help to get your point across.
Old habits die hard, and I will probably be at least somewhat concerned with language and grammar until the day that I die. But I am trying hard not to judge others by the way they use language. Just because something sounds like slang to me, doesn't make it any less valid. Maybe that person grew up in a place where that was the only way language was used. How can I judge them for using the same language that everyone around them uses? How can I look down on someone for not ever hearing how other people might say something? I will always try to look at different language as a learning experience, rather than being dismissive of it, because isn't being open-minded all about learning how other people think and do things?
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