To Be Or Not To Be

Not much action in the Berube household to speak of. It has been a rainy/snowy overall BLAH sort of day. Never in December would I believe there would be rain, but there it was. At least it has finally turned to snow and I can feel less freaked-out about global warming. I'm sure it didn't help that Mike and I watched a t.v. show last night about studies at the polar ice caps and predictions of melting glaciers and rising sea levels. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Well maybe I need to just take a deep breath and chill out for a second. I know the world probably isn't going to end any second, so I can at least finish this post. But I really can't believe how ignorant and careless most people are about global issues. I know it doesn't do any good to worry constantly, but most people seem totally oblivious to the human impact on the planet. People worry more about the things they will buy and how they will make more money then they do about the planet they live on. So for those of you out there who are not concerned, let me inform you. Evey single thing that you buy and use has an impact on the planet! Cars, gas, clothing, electronics, soap, food, electricity, paper towels, airplanes, water bottles, EVERYTHING! Are all the extra things that you buy and use worth the destruction of our planet? Is it that hard to cut back on what you use, even a little? I know I sound like a freaky, raging environmentalist, but I feel like it has to be said. Obviously, few people are thinking about it on their own. What kind of world are we leaving for our children? A hostile place where it is hard to get water, let alone survive? Don't put it out of your mind, because what if it happens in our lifetime? Will you be fine living with no electricity? No clean water? No modern conveniences? Can you fend for yourself?

Whisperings

I am late again on posting, but being sick sort of makes you not want to do ANYTHING. Yes I used the s-i-c-k word only because I am running out of patience and options. I might as well admit I am sick. Now please avert your eyes and plug your ears while I cry like at little baby.........OK, I'm done. *sniff, sniff*

Christmas was nice this year even if it did seem to come way too fast because of my many sicknesses. But that is the thing I love about Christmas - You always have next year to try again. The only sad thing is the taking down of decorations and the long wait through a dreary winter. This winter has been unusually snow-less, but dreary all the same. At least if it snowed I could go sledding.

One thing that has been bugging me recently that has nothing to do with Christmas (or maybe it does because Christmas seems to put a lot of people on edge) is people who are nasty and rude. I know I have written about this before, but I think the subject always deserves a revisit now and then. It drives me crazy when people are inconsiderate to others. This is not coming from a saint who has never made the same mistake, but from someone who knows how it feels to be treated badly. One little trick I use when people make me feel bad is to imagine something embarrassing or slightly painful happening to that person. It may be counter-productive, but at least I am not acting out on my frustrations. There is a quote that I like that describes what I mean -

"There is something powerful in the whispering of obscenities, about those in power. There's something delightful about it, something naughty, secretive, forbidden, thrilling. It's like a spell, of sorts. It deflates them, reduces them to the common denominator where they can be dealt with."
Margaret Atwood

See? I am only deflating the mean people in my mind so that I can calmly sit here now and give a lesson on treating others nicely. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Light Memories

Once again the cruel fates have aligned against me. I won't say I am "sick" because that is an evil and vile word, but I will say I am "not quite well". Also, Mike is suffering from an infection from getting his wisdom tooth pulled. Nothing but soup and yogurt and lots of pain for him. So you can imagine we are quite a jolly bunch this Christmas season. I am only writing this entry to distract me from the misery that is my life at the moment.

I love Christmas lights! More precisely, I love Christmas lights in moderation. I don't love when people cover every inch of their house in some sort of light. One or two strands of colorful (not blinking) lights is good for me. When I was a kid, I always had a small Christmas tree of my own in my bedroom. I always would ask my mom to turn the tree lights off after I went to sleep because I loved looking at them while I went to sleep. The fact is, I wish everyone would keep their Christmas lights on as long as it is dark. It's just so sad to me when a place that once had beautiful lights is dark. The lights are somehow comforting to me.

I have many memories of putting up Christmas lights with my family. Me and my brothers were always so excited to break out the brown paper bags containing the lights and test each strand to find burnt-out bulbs. Then it was on to the roof, a strange and new land, to spend hours placing the lights. Afterward, we usually had hot chocolate and listened to Christmas music.

One of my brothers was so into Christmas lights that he would cover the entire ceiling of his bedroom with blue icicle lights. Why blue and why icicle? I'm not sure. But we all loved being in his room even though it was about 100 degrees in there from all the lights. Ah, Christmas memories. Maybe I love Christmas lights because they bring back so many memories.

Here is a picture of Mike and I's little tree. It's not much, but I still love it.

Venting

As the title suggests, this post will be dedicated to my venting. So if you prefer to stay in Happy Fluffy Land, don't read any further.

If anything will be the death of me, I'm pretty sure it will be medical insurance. First of all, medical insurance should be for EVERYONE. Oh, but it's not. It's for people with no preexisting conditions. You know, PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT SICK. Sick people are the ones who need medical insurance the most, yet they can't get it because the the insurance companies can't make money off of them. Even if you do get medical insurance, be prepared to be fought tooth and nail on every expense you incur. Currently, I am having to prove to my insurance company that I am married to my husband, AGAIN, because I guess they didn't understand my marriage licence the first time. They want to deny me coverage unless I can prove I am related to my husband because he is the primary member under the insurance. I wouldn't even mind faxing my marriage licence again if I knew that would solve the problem in a timely manner. But last time this happened, it took literally MONTHS for the insurance company to approve anything, and even then it was because we called them up several times to ask, "ARE YOU DOING YOUR JOB?!" In the mean time, the doctors wanted payment, so I had to keep asking them to hold off while the insurance company pulled their heads out of their asses.

I am so sick and tired of insurance companies holding people hostage for money. There should be no cost on human life. I know healthcare in America is some of the best in the world and we should be willing to pay for it. However, the cost is too high, and I don't only mean the monetary cost. (Although the monetary cost is absurdly high in and of itself.) The cost includes physical and emotional abuse from insurance companies and doctors and, sometimes, even your life. Please please please can't we all help each other without greed and endless bureaucratic negotiations?

Take A Break

Since when did it become commendable to not take breaks at work? It seems like so many people feel like they need to keep working and working because there is just so much work to do and so little time. But I think there is a reason there are laws about giving employees breaks. THEY ARE IMPORTANT. Why kill yourself for your job? Yes there are a lot of important jobs out there, but none of them will make the world come to a crashing halt if you sit down for 15 minutes. Why do we rush through life as if there is a prize for finishing first? Finishing first is just another way of saying dying, and I am in no rush to die. There will always be work to do, and yes, even work that is important to get done quickly. But, to me, there is no work as important as my peace of mind and happiness. Most people now live in a time and place where they are not forced to work every minute of their lives. So I say, appreciate it. Take advantage of it. Enjoy it. You are privileged, so why make yourself a slave?

Practicality Out The Window

Sometime in last few weeks, during the haze of my sickness, I created a pottery piece. I don't remember a lot about the actual painting because I have steadily been trying to forget every minute of when I was sick. But I know I made it because this is now in my kitchen -



Not bad for my first time, eh? Well, actually this was my first clay creation -



A snowman, made in preschool or kindergarten. Of course I only painted it with a clear glaze because I couldn't have a snowman that was anything but white. (I was very literal even at that age.) But I did sculpt it, which is more than I can say for my most recent project. I didn't sculpt the utensil-holder, and I only picked it because if its usefulness. I have always wanted a jar for my bigger kitchen utensils but, in general, I never like to buy things unless I am fairly positive I will get a lot of use out of them. I don't like to clutter my house with a bunch of stuff that serves no purpose. That is the practicality in me, but on the other hand.......THEY ARE SO FUN TO PAINT! I am already wanting to paint another one so I can get the full experience without being sick. In spite of my best intentions, I'm sure someday my house will be filled with useless pottery.

Unpredicted Chaos

I woke up today expecting a very restful day off of work, since working at 4:00am most days has not been kind to my body. Sleeping in was about as far as I got for rest. A short time after getting up I was brushing my teeth when I noticed the toilet bubbling like a witches' cauldron. I thought that was quite odd, but I figured it was just your standard clogged toilet. So I did what any germ-fearing woman would do.....I called for my husband. He came into the bathroom and immediately flushed the toilet, which angered it greatly. It began flooding all over the bathroom floor. Out of sheer panic, we poured some Liquid Plumber into it and began plunging furiously, but that only intensified the mess and the anger raging from the toilet. Finally, we relented and called our landlord who immediately sent a plumber.....who arrived about an hour later. During all this, our neighbor who lives in our duplex called us to tell us that her bathtub wasn't draining. As we found out later, tree roots had likely infiltrated our pipes and taken them over as we slept, unsuspecting. THIS WAS WAR! Good thing we had a plumber on our side who was very suited for the job since he seemed to have no aversion to things of a gross nature. NO FEAR OF GERMS! NO FEAR OF TRACKING TOILET WATER THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE! Those were his battle cries because, although he was a very good plumber, he had no thought of the carnage left in his wake. Hiring him was like using a power hose to clean a spot off your kitchen floor - Messy, yet effective. After hours of work, the plumber was finally done, and we were left with a hazardous bathroom and very little of a restful day off. So much for rest.

Why So Serious?

I have always felt a little unconventional when it comes to following the "rules" of society. I would much rather live my life doing what I want to do rather than only doing what is socially acceptable. I feel I am lucky to live in a time and place where being "different" doesn't always mean "bad". A hundred years ago, and even sometimes still today, people were tortured and killed for not conforming to the rules of society. If you had a baby out of wedlock or had homosexual feelings, you were in big trouble. Thankfully, things have changed for the better, and hopefully they will continue to get even better.

I am not about to start any revolutions, but I like to be quirky and unconventional in little ways. That may mean doing a silly dance, or laying under the Christmas tree to look at the lights, or piercing my nose, or dying my hair, or reading a book that some people don't approve of. Basically, I don't want to take life too seriously. Of course there are times were being serious is appropriate. But, I don't want to miss out on living life because I was too worried about being appropriate. So many people seem to be so uptight about work, money, and relationships, that they forget to enjoy life. Sometimes you just have to stop worrying about what people will think and live the way that makes you happy. Maybe I only have this attitude because I am still young, but I hope it is an attitude I can keep my entire life.

Putting Myself Back Together

It has been a week since my last post, and I am only just beginning to feel somewhat normal again. When I get sick, I get SICK, as in weeks and weeks of recovery time. Being sick has made me appreciate my health more than ever. Of course I always know I could get sick at any time, but I tend to forget just how miserable life can be when an intense illness takes over. I have a deep and sober respect for all those people out there who live with chronic diseases and pain every day of their lives. I hope with every ounce of my being that I am never one of those people, because I'm pretty sure I couldn't take it. I think life is to be enjoyed, and if you can't enjoy it, it is hard to keep on living.

One residual effect of being sick is that I have the urge to wash my hands every five seconds and sanitize everything in sight. The only thing that keeps me from doing this is the knowledge that extreme hand washing and cleaning only makes you more vulnerable to bacteria. I also avoid other sick people like the plague. Just the thought of getting sick again makes me nearly hysteric. But there is one good thing about my whole ordeal. I had my husband by my side, day and night, watching over and caring for me. If I have to fall apart, it is good to know I have someone there to pick up the pieces.