In today's modern world we are surrounded by technology pretty much 24/7. We use phones, computers, machines, cars, and all kinds of fancy gadgets that make our lives easier. For the most part I don't mind all the technology. My washing machine washes clothes in a fraction of the time of hand washing. My GPS on my phone makes it simple to get just about anywhere. The internet has news and answers to thousands of burning questions.
The thing that I don't like about all this technology is how everything somehow becomes linked, and for the life of you, you can't break or change these links. Your phone is linked to your computer, which is linked to your t.v., which is linked to you car, which is linked to your refrigerator (seriously), which is linked to your tablet, which is linked to your laptop, which is linked to the internet, which is linked to every online account you have ever created, which is link to EVERYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD! Ok so maybe not that far. But these links can become troublesome at times.
For one thing, because of these links, when I take a picture on my phone, it automatically knows when and where the photo was taken. It saves this information along with the actual photo to my phone. But the photo also gets saved to other accounts I may have created like Google Photo. Somehow, I seem to end up with about five different copies of a photo I didn't even like in the first place, and if I delete one copy, you better believe that the other four are still floating around out there to pop up at the most inopportune times.
This doesn't just happen with photos, either. Contacts, e-mail addresses, and all kinds of old information seems to get locked in a vault of "Things You Can Never Get Rid Of No Matter How Hard You Try". I have actually had my phone tell me that I can't delete something because it is linked to another account! How crazy is that?! This really messes with my nerves when my anxiety gives me the urge to de-clutter, but my electronics won't allow it.
All these links also make it hard to keep things separate that you want separate. What, you don't want your Facebook linked to your Pinterest, to your Fitbit, to your Instagram, to your e-mail, to your phone? Too bad! It automatically linked for you, and good luck un-doing that! No one anywhere will be short of information of what you are doing and where you are every second of the day!
I don't mean to sound like a grouchy old woman who wants nothing to do with technology, but sometimes I just get overwhelmed by it and I need my space. I enjoy browsing Pinterest or Facebook as much as the next person, but I don't want my every action to be recorded and shared with the world. I guess there is no getting around it, though. With more convenience comes the price of less privacy and more complications. I suppose all we can do is keep our accounts and our technology usage to a more tolerable level, and when you are feeling exhausted by all of it, maybe unplug and do something more tangible.
Friday, December 15, 2017
Saturday, December 2, 2017
You Do
Once in a while I like to go to fancy stores where all the employees have to dress like they are going to the opera, and almost everything is far out of my price range. I like to go to these kinds of stores mostly because they are fun to browse. They have unique and sometimes high-quality things that you can't find anywhere else. Once in a while I will even splurge and buy something from one of these stores.
But when I go to expensive stores, I also often start to wonder what it would be like to have enough money to buy anything, or as many things as I liked from one of those places. What if I could buy the finest of everything? What if I could have all the rooms in my house look like the perfect and beautiful displays in the stores? After thinking about this question for some time, I decided that I wouldn't want to be able to buy everything in an expensive store, and of course I have my reasons.
My first reasoning is that it would be a waste. I have most things I need, and buying more would just be wrong for me and for the planet. I don't need to cause more pollution and waste just so I can have a pretty house. Second of all, if I had that much money, I would want to use it for more productive things, like helping others, trying new experiences, or creating something that will help the world. I'm not entirely sure what that would look like, but if I had the money, I'm sure I would figure it out. I'm not a perfect person, but I definitely wouldn't enjoy keeping all of that kind of money to myself.
My last reason for not wanting the finest of everything is my most important reason. It's a lie. I think if you have so much money that you never have to think about the cost of anything, it is easy to get sucked into your own little world of imported linens, handmade soap, and the best cookware. You start to expect only the best, and you start to forget that there are people who don't even have a toilet or running water. Or at the very least you start to disconnect from how those people might feel. This is dangerous because if we only think of ourselves, we are actually unconsciously destroying ourselves and our world. It may not happen quickly, but if you neglect others it will eventually catch up to you. We are only as strong as our weakest link. If we refuse to share what we have with others, we are only making that weak link weaker.
I know not all rich people are bad and want to hoard their money. But I know that lots of money can often put a strange spell of selfishness and greed over some people. Don't let the money lie to you and tell you that you have everything you need. You need friends more than a new car. You need a planet more than a new house. You need love and understanding in the world more than a diamond ring. Believe me. You do.
But when I go to expensive stores, I also often start to wonder what it would be like to have enough money to buy anything, or as many things as I liked from one of those places. What if I could buy the finest of everything? What if I could have all the rooms in my house look like the perfect and beautiful displays in the stores? After thinking about this question for some time, I decided that I wouldn't want to be able to buy everything in an expensive store, and of course I have my reasons.
My first reasoning is that it would be a waste. I have most things I need, and buying more would just be wrong for me and for the planet. I don't need to cause more pollution and waste just so I can have a pretty house. Second of all, if I had that much money, I would want to use it for more productive things, like helping others, trying new experiences, or creating something that will help the world. I'm not entirely sure what that would look like, but if I had the money, I'm sure I would figure it out. I'm not a perfect person, but I definitely wouldn't enjoy keeping all of that kind of money to myself.
My last reason for not wanting the finest of everything is my most important reason. It's a lie. I think if you have so much money that you never have to think about the cost of anything, it is easy to get sucked into your own little world of imported linens, handmade soap, and the best cookware. You start to expect only the best, and you start to forget that there are people who don't even have a toilet or running water. Or at the very least you start to disconnect from how those people might feel. This is dangerous because if we only think of ourselves, we are actually unconsciously destroying ourselves and our world. It may not happen quickly, but if you neglect others it will eventually catch up to you. We are only as strong as our weakest link. If we refuse to share what we have with others, we are only making that weak link weaker.
I know not all rich people are bad and want to hoard their money. But I know that lots of money can often put a strange spell of selfishness and greed over some people. Don't let the money lie to you and tell you that you have everything you need. You need friends more than a new car. You need a planet more than a new house. You need love and understanding in the world more than a diamond ring. Believe me. You do.
Saturday, November 11, 2017
Getting Far
When I am driving I will often see people who, for whatever reason, are walking down the street. Seeing this usually makes me think how lucky I am to have a working car. I think most people who have a car take it for granted that they can just hop in the car and be somewhere in a matter of minutes. If not for that privilege, walking takes huge amounts of time and energy. I try to always be grateful for what I have, but sometimes the ability to drive anywhere is something I take for granted.
Of course it is not always easy maintaining a car. I break out in a sweat just thinking about how much car repairs can cost. Gas isn't always cheap either. But compared to walking, the benefits of driving far outweigh the negatives. If I had to walk everywhere that I drive, I would spend almost all my time doing nothing but walking. I would be in great shape, but my free time would be gone. Also, the weather would be a much bigger issue. Dressing in the winter would be a matter of life and death if I had to walk everywhere. The rain would mean misery rather than annoyance.
I don't think this post has much of a point, other than to be grateful for what you have. It is so easy to feel inconvenienced when you have to drive somewhere, rather than privileged that it will only take a few comfortable minutes. If you don't believe it, just try walking everywhere for a day. You won't get too far physically, but mentally you will take leaps and bounds.
Of course it is not always easy maintaining a car. I break out in a sweat just thinking about how much car repairs can cost. Gas isn't always cheap either. But compared to walking, the benefits of driving far outweigh the negatives. If I had to walk everywhere that I drive, I would spend almost all my time doing nothing but walking. I would be in great shape, but my free time would be gone. Also, the weather would be a much bigger issue. Dressing in the winter would be a matter of life and death if I had to walk everywhere. The rain would mean misery rather than annoyance.
I don't think this post has much of a point, other than to be grateful for what you have. It is so easy to feel inconvenienced when you have to drive somewhere, rather than privileged that it will only take a few comfortable minutes. If you don't believe it, just try walking everywhere for a day. You won't get too far physically, but mentally you will take leaps and bounds.
Wednesday, October 25, 2017
Breaking
There are times in just about everyone's life where you feel beaten down, not good enough, and overall worthless. Sometimes you may feel like this for no reason, but many times it's because others are telling you these things. They tell you you need to change. You need to do better. You are not living up to your potential. Your best just isn't enough. While these kinds of comments can often be well-intentioned, they can also be very discouraging, especially if you already feel you are at your breaking limit.
I think that many times in life people just don't understand how another person feels, or what they are truly capable of, and they try to ask of them more than they can handle. Of course the misjudged person can always say no to a request of more effort. They can even say they can't physically or emotionally push themselves any further. But that choice can sometimes be judged even more harshly than just continually struggling to try to do better. First of all, the person making the request probably won't believe you are really at your breaking limit, because they wouldn't have asked if they did. Secondly, if they do believe you, they could simply choose to discard you because you are not good enough. Third, you will always have the label of "the person who failed".
I do believe it is important to improve yourself and strive for better. But I also believe that, if you let it, the world will bleed you dry by continually asking for "just a little bit more". Finding the sweet spot between those two things can be difficult to impossible. When do you put in exhausting effort every day, and when do you cut your losses and try to move on? I'm not sure of the answer to that, but I do want to give some encouragement to those who are struggling with this -
You are a good person.
You are not broken just because you are different.
Your struggles and pain are real, even if no one else can see it.
Just because something is harder for you than for most people doesn't mean you are worthless.
Don't listen to everything other people say about you.
You are loved.
I get emotional writing those lines because I think so many people are needlessly struggling with feeling inferior, when all they need is some love and encouragement and less judgment. I know some people don't believe that. They believe in tough love and pushing someone to their breaking limit. But I believe people will bloom far brighter when they are loved and encouraged, than when they are pressured into submission. I hope everyone out there can begin to be less judgmental and start lifting up those who are downtrodden, because those who are pushed too far may break.....and not all fractures can be healed.
I think that many times in life people just don't understand how another person feels, or what they are truly capable of, and they try to ask of them more than they can handle. Of course the misjudged person can always say no to a request of more effort. They can even say they can't physically or emotionally push themselves any further. But that choice can sometimes be judged even more harshly than just continually struggling to try to do better. First of all, the person making the request probably won't believe you are really at your breaking limit, because they wouldn't have asked if they did. Secondly, if they do believe you, they could simply choose to discard you because you are not good enough. Third, you will always have the label of "the person who failed".
I do believe it is important to improve yourself and strive for better. But I also believe that, if you let it, the world will bleed you dry by continually asking for "just a little bit more". Finding the sweet spot between those two things can be difficult to impossible. When do you put in exhausting effort every day, and when do you cut your losses and try to move on? I'm not sure of the answer to that, but I do want to give some encouragement to those who are struggling with this -
You are a good person.
You are not broken just because you are different.
Your struggles and pain are real, even if no one else can see it.
Just because something is harder for you than for most people doesn't mean you are worthless.
Don't listen to everything other people say about you.
You are loved.
I get emotional writing those lines because I think so many people are needlessly struggling with feeling inferior, when all they need is some love and encouragement and less judgment. I know some people don't believe that. They believe in tough love and pushing someone to their breaking limit. But I believe people will bloom far brighter when they are loved and encouraged, than when they are pressured into submission. I hope everyone out there can begin to be less judgmental and start lifting up those who are downtrodden, because those who are pushed too far may break.....and not all fractures can be healed.
Friday, October 13, 2017
I Miss These
I have been doing this blog for quite some time now, and occasionally I find it hard to think of things to write about. So I have been saving a few writing prompts on Pinterest to give me ideas when I am in short supply. This is both a good and bad thing. It's good because obviously it gives me ideas. It's bad because sometimes it gives me too many ideas and I want to write about them all at once. But I will try to contain my enthusiasm and pick one topic at a time.
The topic that stood out to me this time is - Something you miss. I think this one interested me because I have been thinking about the past a lot lately and I miss many things about it. So I will tell you a few of them. Hopefully you will find them interesting, since people often enjoy talking about themselves, but others don't always enjoy listening.
- I miss my mom. I miss how sweet and loving and brave she was. I miss her tender kindness. I miss how she always made life fun for her kids. I miss how she made us dinner every night. I miss her love of learning and writing.
- I miss Bear. I miss her wet kisses and silent presence. I miss her little barks warning me that someone was outside, and her big barks warning me that someone was at the door. I miss her leaning on me every time I sat down and she wanted to be close. I miss her running in a field of grass like life was so wonderful she couldn't express her joy in any other way but to run at top speed. I miss her love and acceptance of everyone.
- I miss when I was a kid and my family would celebrate together during the holidays. It wasn't big or extravagant, but I always felt warm and close and loved and like things would never change.
- I miss being a kid. I miss not knowing the scary things in the world. I miss just laughing and playing without feeling judged or guilty.
- I miss my hair. This may seem like a silly one, but hair really makes a difference in the life of a woman. No I am not bald. However, my hair has changed dramatically from my teenage years due to health conditions and maybe just the stress of life. It is much more frizzy, thin, and unmanageable, and no amount of hair products can bring it back to how it was. I miss being able to brush it without it falling out at all. I miss being able to do certain hair styles. I miss not worrying about it clogging up the drain and the vacuum.
- I miss hanging out with my brothers more. We all grew up and life got busy and complicated, and in some ways we grew apart. But I often think about how we were as kids and how much fun we had together. I know it can't be the same now, but I wish we could get to know each other better as adults and enjoy time together now.
- I miss the first apartment I had with Mike. It was just a nice place with just the right amount of room. It was on the second floor right in the middle of the complex so I could look out the front window and see everything that was going on. I don't remember ever seeing a spider there, and it didn't seem to get too dusty like my current house. I didn't have to worry about mowing the lawn or shoveling the snow.
-I miss hanging out with friends. Just like with my brothers, life gets busy and there never seems to be time for fun. Yes Mike and I do hang out with friends from time to time. But I miss the spontaneous fun that happened with friends in high school or college. These days hanging out requires more of a laborious planning process.
- I miss not wearing glasses. They just get annoying sometimes.
- I miss having more energy. Once again life has taken a bit of a toll on me. I don't think I have half the energy I did as a teenager.
So there you go. Those are some of the things I miss most. I know they are mostly pretty sad, but it's not all doom and gloom. Just because I miss things from time to time doesn't mean I can't find time to be positive and look toward the future. In fact I make an effort not to get stuck in the past, because while memories can be enticing, there is no future there.
The topic that stood out to me this time is - Something you miss. I think this one interested me because I have been thinking about the past a lot lately and I miss many things about it. So I will tell you a few of them. Hopefully you will find them interesting, since people often enjoy talking about themselves, but others don't always enjoy listening.
- I miss my mom. I miss how sweet and loving and brave she was. I miss her tender kindness. I miss how she always made life fun for her kids. I miss how she made us dinner every night. I miss her love of learning and writing.
- I miss Bear. I miss her wet kisses and silent presence. I miss her little barks warning me that someone was outside, and her big barks warning me that someone was at the door. I miss her leaning on me every time I sat down and she wanted to be close. I miss her running in a field of grass like life was so wonderful she couldn't express her joy in any other way but to run at top speed. I miss her love and acceptance of everyone.
- I miss when I was a kid and my family would celebrate together during the holidays. It wasn't big or extravagant, but I always felt warm and close and loved and like things would never change.
- I miss being a kid. I miss not knowing the scary things in the world. I miss just laughing and playing without feeling judged or guilty.
- I miss my hair. This may seem like a silly one, but hair really makes a difference in the life of a woman. No I am not bald. However, my hair has changed dramatically from my teenage years due to health conditions and maybe just the stress of life. It is much more frizzy, thin, and unmanageable, and no amount of hair products can bring it back to how it was. I miss being able to brush it without it falling out at all. I miss being able to do certain hair styles. I miss not worrying about it clogging up the drain and the vacuum.
- I miss hanging out with my brothers more. We all grew up and life got busy and complicated, and in some ways we grew apart. But I often think about how we were as kids and how much fun we had together. I know it can't be the same now, but I wish we could get to know each other better as adults and enjoy time together now.
- I miss the first apartment I had with Mike. It was just a nice place with just the right amount of room. It was on the second floor right in the middle of the complex so I could look out the front window and see everything that was going on. I don't remember ever seeing a spider there, and it didn't seem to get too dusty like my current house. I didn't have to worry about mowing the lawn or shoveling the snow.
-I miss hanging out with friends. Just like with my brothers, life gets busy and there never seems to be time for fun. Yes Mike and I do hang out with friends from time to time. But I miss the spontaneous fun that happened with friends in high school or college. These days hanging out requires more of a laborious planning process.
- I miss not wearing glasses. They just get annoying sometimes.
- I miss having more energy. Once again life has taken a bit of a toll on me. I don't think I have half the energy I did as a teenager.
So there you go. Those are some of the things I miss most. I know they are mostly pretty sad, but it's not all doom and gloom. Just because I miss things from time to time doesn't mean I can't find time to be positive and look toward the future. In fact I make an effort not to get stuck in the past, because while memories can be enticing, there is no future there.
Thursday, September 7, 2017
Getting Older Unconventionally
For me, aging is one of the strangest parts of being human. I think for most people, they feel like the same person that they were in early adulthood, but their body keeps changing. Most of the time aging is gradual and we don't notice it much. Over time we just start to realize that what was once easy is now harder or more painful.
I want to be a person who ages gracefully, but at the same time it is hard for me to accept getting older. I think it would be exhausting to try to fight it with all kinds of expensive treatments, or serums, or creams. But at the same time I haven't experienced many of the outward effects of aging yet. It seems like a cruel thing to slowly take away a person's beauty, senses, mobility, and independence. I suppose it is just one of those things in life that you just have to accept and make the best of.
Since I do have to get older, I don't want to be one of those grannies who wears a shawl and sits around and knits or bakes cookies all the time. Sure I will change in some ways, but I never want to loose my sense of adventure and excitement for life. I don't want to feel restricted to only do things that "old people" do. I want to feel as free as I am today to experience and try new things, to wear what I want, and to be who I want to be.
I'm afraid of the stigma that is placed on older people, and I hope I can help to change that by being an unconventional older person. Youth is a privilege, but we would all do well to remember that that privilege doesn't last forever. As for me, I intend to act however young I feel, and I hope I can keep my outward appearance from getting in the way of that.
I want to be a person who ages gracefully, but at the same time it is hard for me to accept getting older. I think it would be exhausting to try to fight it with all kinds of expensive treatments, or serums, or creams. But at the same time I haven't experienced many of the outward effects of aging yet. It seems like a cruel thing to slowly take away a person's beauty, senses, mobility, and independence. I suppose it is just one of those things in life that you just have to accept and make the best of.
Since I do have to get older, I don't want to be one of those grannies who wears a shawl and sits around and knits or bakes cookies all the time. Sure I will change in some ways, but I never want to loose my sense of adventure and excitement for life. I don't want to feel restricted to only do things that "old people" do. I want to feel as free as I am today to experience and try new things, to wear what I want, and to be who I want to be.
I'm afraid of the stigma that is placed on older people, and I hope I can help to change that by being an unconventional older person. Youth is a privilege, but we would all do well to remember that that privilege doesn't last forever. As for me, I intend to act however young I feel, and I hope I can keep my outward appearance from getting in the way of that.
Wednesday, August 9, 2017
Adults Are People Too
It seems to be a common belief for many people that when you have children of your own, that your life no longer matters as much as the child's. People will say things like, "It's not about you anymore." or "The baby comes first now." or "Children are our most important resource." I agree to an extent that children are important and should be cared for carefully. I think children do need to grow up well in a loving and supportive environment, and that they deserve time to just be kids and not be overwhelmed by the responsibilities of adulthood.
What I don't agree with is that the wants and desires of children should always come before the wants and desires of adults. What are adults but people who used to be children themselves? Just because they grew up are their feelings and desires less important? Are they less deserving of having a happy life? Teaching children and helping them grow is important. But what does it teach them if we discard them as soon as the next generation comes along?
It is my feeling that all people are important regardless of their age, and all people should have a lifetime of growth and development. Children may need more nurturing, but that doesn't mean they are above all others. We are all continually learning and changing. If we teach people that children are the only important ones, we will be faced with a future full of jaded adults who thought that they were important once.
What I don't agree with is that the wants and desires of children should always come before the wants and desires of adults. What are adults but people who used to be children themselves? Just because they grew up are their feelings and desires less important? Are they less deserving of having a happy life? Teaching children and helping them grow is important. But what does it teach them if we discard them as soon as the next generation comes along?
It is my feeling that all people are important regardless of their age, and all people should have a lifetime of growth and development. Children may need more nurturing, but that doesn't mean they are above all others. We are all continually learning and changing. If we teach people that children are the only important ones, we will be faced with a future full of jaded adults who thought that they were important once.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Shaky Ground
I have always tried to be a good person in my life, but I know there are times I fall very short of the ideal, and I also know there are people who just plain don't like me. It's not that I expect everyone to like me. It's just that it's hard to keep your self-esteem up when you know there are people who wish nothing good for you. Do you know the feeling? I'm not talking about any random stranger. I'm talking about people who you were once close to, but for one reason or another you had a falling-out. These are the people who once had your back, but who would now do nothing for you. I don't know. Maybe not everyone has people like this in their lives. Maybe some people have learned to always part on good terms. I am not one of those people.
I have found that one of the hardest things in life has been to keep a positive self-image when I know others are trying to put me down. There are times when I had every reason to be happy, but I am unhappy because I feel like I don't deserve happiness when others are either wishing me unhappiness or are ambivalent to my feelings. It's a difficult feeling to describe. It's like if you had a best friend and you had a falling out with that friend. Then you do something great like graduate from college, and even though a lot of people are happy for you, you are upset because your former friend doesn't care. That person may have been there for you so many other times that accomplishments almost seem meaningless when you don't have their support.
I think the best thing to do when you loose a friend is to try to focus on all the people who still care about you and support you. It's really hard sometimes, but it's always best not to dwell on the negative. You can't do everything perfect, and if a friend doesn't understand that then it's not worth having their opinion of you. Just remember, you need to know you are a good person on your own, without anyone else's input. If you can't do that, you are already on shaky ground. Move your foundation rather than look for more support.
I have found that one of the hardest things in life has been to keep a positive self-image when I know others are trying to put me down. There are times when I had every reason to be happy, but I am unhappy because I feel like I don't deserve happiness when others are either wishing me unhappiness or are ambivalent to my feelings. It's a difficult feeling to describe. It's like if you had a best friend and you had a falling out with that friend. Then you do something great like graduate from college, and even though a lot of people are happy for you, you are upset because your former friend doesn't care. That person may have been there for you so many other times that accomplishments almost seem meaningless when you don't have their support.
I think the best thing to do when you loose a friend is to try to focus on all the people who still care about you and support you. It's really hard sometimes, but it's always best not to dwell on the negative. You can't do everything perfect, and if a friend doesn't understand that then it's not worth having their opinion of you. Just remember, you need to know you are a good person on your own, without anyone else's input. If you can't do that, you are already on shaky ground. Move your foundation rather than look for more support.
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Me and Everything in the Universe
I have recently been realizing more and more how certain stories or scenarios play out over and over again in human history. There are countless examples of this, but some of them are -
-the rebellious teenager
-the leader who lets power go to his head
-the scientist who makes a discovery that changes everything
-the parents who work hard to support a family
-the traveler who feels strange in a foreign land
-the jilted lover
-the discovery of peace in nature
-the person who wants to become a doctor because doctors have helped him
-the loss of faith after the loss of a loved one
-the drug addict who never thought he would end up a drug addict
This list could go on forever, but you get the point. The same story happens over and over to different people, and yet when one of these things happens to us, we often feel entirely alone and unique. Should we not look at these similarities and gain strength from them rather than focus on our perceived isolation and differences?
What does it mean that these kinds of things happen again and again in history? Is it just a pattern? Does it mean anything? I'm not sure what the answers are. The logical side of me says that since humans are one species, then of course they will have similar behaviors and thus similar stories. Yet the emotional side of me says that maybe we can derive a deeper meaning or connection from our similar experiences. Maybe the rebellious teenager in the 1980s has a connection with the rebellious teen of today. Maybe the same can be said for rebellious teens on opposite sides of the planet. Are we meant to learn from these shared commonalities, or is is just a coincidence?
I want to think there is a reason for all this repetition in a chaotic world, and so that is what I will believe. I will continue to try to derive meaning from it until there is a very good reason to stop. Because why not try to find a connection with space, and time, and other humans, and everything in the universe?
-the rebellious teenager
-the leader who lets power go to his head
-the scientist who makes a discovery that changes everything
-the parents who work hard to support a family
-the traveler who feels strange in a foreign land
-the jilted lover
-the discovery of peace in nature
-the person who wants to become a doctor because doctors have helped him
-the loss of faith after the loss of a loved one
-the drug addict who never thought he would end up a drug addict
This list could go on forever, but you get the point. The same story happens over and over to different people, and yet when one of these things happens to us, we often feel entirely alone and unique. Should we not look at these similarities and gain strength from them rather than focus on our perceived isolation and differences?
What does it mean that these kinds of things happen again and again in history? Is it just a pattern? Does it mean anything? I'm not sure what the answers are. The logical side of me says that since humans are one species, then of course they will have similar behaviors and thus similar stories. Yet the emotional side of me says that maybe we can derive a deeper meaning or connection from our similar experiences. Maybe the rebellious teenager in the 1980s has a connection with the rebellious teen of today. Maybe the same can be said for rebellious teens on opposite sides of the planet. Are we meant to learn from these shared commonalities, or is is just a coincidence?
I want to think there is a reason for all this repetition in a chaotic world, and so that is what I will believe. I will continue to try to derive meaning from it until there is a very good reason to stop. Because why not try to find a connection with space, and time, and other humans, and everything in the universe?
Thursday, June 15, 2017
What We Sweep Under The Rug
I know quite a few people who seem to be perfectionists. They brag about how much they clean their house or about how much work they get done. When they post pictures of themselves or their kids on the internet, everything seems to be perfect. There is not a hair out of place or a wrinkle in the clothes. But when I see these people, my thought is - "We all only have 24 hours in a day and there are always things you can't get done. So what kinds of things do these people neglect?"
For some reason I am always fascinated by the things people keep secret, or the things they just don't talk about often. So what are the not-so-perfect parts about a perfectionist's life that they don't want to talk about? Is their shower disgustingly dirty? Do they forget to pay a bill on time? Do they have moldy food in the fridge? Do they have poor relationships because they spend all their time on less-important things like cleaning? I wouldn't judge anyone for any of these things, especially because I have done one or two of them myself. So why do they hide it? Are they afraid they will be judged by others? Are they ashamed they can't do it all?
In addition to being interested by the secrets people keep, I am also interested by the way people prioritize their time. How do they decide what is important to get done in a day, and what they can let slide? This may seem like an obvious question to a lot of people. But for someone like me who has anxiety, even the smallest decisions can become crippling. So I wonder, if a person only has time to vacuum or mop, which do they choose? If you have to choose between cleaning the bathroom or spending time with your family, what do you do? I think most people would choose family time. But then what if there is always something more important than cleaning the bathroom? Do you just give up on cleaning it?
I have kind of come to the conclusion over my lifetime that there is never a perfect choice. It may not matter if you choose mopping over vacuuming, or it may make all the difference in the world. You won't know until you make the choice. I have learned to just try to go with the flow and base my decisions off of what feels right and what has worked for me in the past. Others can give advice, but ultimately my choices are my own, so it doesn't really matter what other people say. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't, but it will never be perfect. Life never is.
For some reason I am always fascinated by the things people keep secret, or the things they just don't talk about often. So what are the not-so-perfect parts about a perfectionist's life that they don't want to talk about? Is their shower disgustingly dirty? Do they forget to pay a bill on time? Do they have moldy food in the fridge? Do they have poor relationships because they spend all their time on less-important things like cleaning? I wouldn't judge anyone for any of these things, especially because I have done one or two of them myself. So why do they hide it? Are they afraid they will be judged by others? Are they ashamed they can't do it all?
In addition to being interested by the secrets people keep, I am also interested by the way people prioritize their time. How do they decide what is important to get done in a day, and what they can let slide? This may seem like an obvious question to a lot of people. But for someone like me who has anxiety, even the smallest decisions can become crippling. So I wonder, if a person only has time to vacuum or mop, which do they choose? If you have to choose between cleaning the bathroom or spending time with your family, what do you do? I think most people would choose family time. But then what if there is always something more important than cleaning the bathroom? Do you just give up on cleaning it?
I have kind of come to the conclusion over my lifetime that there is never a perfect choice. It may not matter if you choose mopping over vacuuming, or it may make all the difference in the world. You won't know until you make the choice. I have learned to just try to go with the flow and base my decisions off of what feels right and what has worked for me in the past. Others can give advice, but ultimately my choices are my own, so it doesn't really matter what other people say. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't, but it will never be perfect. Life never is.
Wednesday, June 7, 2017
Two Perspectives
I would like you to picture, for a moment, two cars that are traveling down the same road at the same time of day. The people inside are seeing and feeling the same area at the same time, so they must be having the same experience, right? Not so fast. I didn't tell you that the two cars are very different. One is a beautiful luxury car with leather seats and air conditioning. It has a very good sound system and the ride is very smooth. As the car passes, people notice it and comment on it's beauty or wave at the driver.
The second car is a little worse for wear. It is old and beat-up, and barely runs. There is no air conditioning, and the stereo only plays two garbled radio stations. The ride is very bumpy, and as the car passes, people either don't notice or look at it in disgust. Now do you still think the drivers are having the same experience?
I wanted to use this metaphor to show how easy it is to mistake a common road with a common experience. People often seem to think that they know how others feel if they have been in the same situation. There are similarities, of course, when people go through the same things. Yet people tend to forget how vastly different human bodies (a.k.a. the cars) can be. Each person sees and perceives the world differently based on their background, personality, and looks.
I'm not recommending that we highlight our differences. On the contrary, we should look for our commonalities and build understanding from those things we share. But we should not assume that someone feels the same way we did when we were in the same situation. That only leads to hurt and misunderstanding. The person in the old car might feel very bad if he were judged for having a stressful ride just because the driver of the luxury car had a pleasant ride on the same road. The two drivers could share in their common experience without assuming the other should have felt the same. That way, the drivers can share their similar experiences without feeling judged for their different perceptions.
I want to take one moment to also say that if you leave a comment on my blog, please write something to indicate that you have actually read and understood it. Otherwise, I will probably delete your comment because it seems you are just trying to advertise your website in the comments.
The second car is a little worse for wear. It is old and beat-up, and barely runs. There is no air conditioning, and the stereo only plays two garbled radio stations. The ride is very bumpy, and as the car passes, people either don't notice or look at it in disgust. Now do you still think the drivers are having the same experience?
I wanted to use this metaphor to show how easy it is to mistake a common road with a common experience. People often seem to think that they know how others feel if they have been in the same situation. There are similarities, of course, when people go through the same things. Yet people tend to forget how vastly different human bodies (a.k.a. the cars) can be. Each person sees and perceives the world differently based on their background, personality, and looks.
I'm not recommending that we highlight our differences. On the contrary, we should look for our commonalities and build understanding from those things we share. But we should not assume that someone feels the same way we did when we were in the same situation. That only leads to hurt and misunderstanding. The person in the old car might feel very bad if he were judged for having a stressful ride just because the driver of the luxury car had a pleasant ride on the same road. The two drivers could share in their common experience without assuming the other should have felt the same. That way, the drivers can share their similar experiences without feeling judged for their different perceptions.
I want to take one moment to also say that if you leave a comment on my blog, please write something to indicate that you have actually read and understood it. Otherwise, I will probably delete your comment because it seems you are just trying to advertise your website in the comments.
Wednesday, May 24, 2017
Complications
I have been realizing more and more lately how relationships and communication seem to get harder and harder as I get older. My fist inclination towards this subject is that communication should get EASIER as I get older. After all, you live you learn, right? And I have learned plenty about relationships and how to deal with different people in my life. But I think the complexities come from age, not inexperience. What I mean is, as you get older, you have more baggage and more unhealthy patterns that you revert to during stressful times. It's not that you suck at communicating. It's that it takes more and more work to wade through the growing complications and make any sort of progress.
I am an eternal optimist at heart, even when the things I hope for are almost completely impossible. So I don't look at past baggage and growing issues as a reason to give up on communication. For the most part, I am always trying to do better and understand others better. But it does get discouraging at times when it seems like there is no way through the maze of misunderstandings and past damage done to a relationship. I have found that a lot of people find it difficult, if not impossible, to move on from things other people have done to them. This, obviously, puts up a barrier between open communication.
Wrongs of the past are not the only obstacles to good communication, either. The longer a person lives, the more they develop coping mechanisms for dealing with difficult things, and some of these can be detrimental to communication with other people. For example, if a person is an alcoholic, other people may not want to talk to that person because they are rude or angry all the time. Also, with alcohol constantly impairing him or her, the person may not have the mental capacity to even carry out a meaningful conversation. That's a simple example, but take into account that one person can have multiple problems hindering their communication and it is no wonder so many people find it so difficult.
I don't claim to be any sort of expert on relationships or communication. I am far from it. I am only drawing on my own experience and difficulties with communicating with people in my life. Sometimes I wish that if I had a super power it could be to make a person feel how I feel, and I could feel how they feel. If that happened, I think there would be a lot less misunderstandings. But since that is not likely to ever happen, I will just have to keep guessing at other people's feelings, and hopefully I will get good enough at it to someday have great relationships with all who I interact with.
I am an eternal optimist at heart, even when the things I hope for are almost completely impossible. So I don't look at past baggage and growing issues as a reason to give up on communication. For the most part, I am always trying to do better and understand others better. But it does get discouraging at times when it seems like there is no way through the maze of misunderstandings and past damage done to a relationship. I have found that a lot of people find it difficult, if not impossible, to move on from things other people have done to them. This, obviously, puts up a barrier between open communication.
Wrongs of the past are not the only obstacles to good communication, either. The longer a person lives, the more they develop coping mechanisms for dealing with difficult things, and some of these can be detrimental to communication with other people. For example, if a person is an alcoholic, other people may not want to talk to that person because they are rude or angry all the time. Also, with alcohol constantly impairing him or her, the person may not have the mental capacity to even carry out a meaningful conversation. That's a simple example, but take into account that one person can have multiple problems hindering their communication and it is no wonder so many people find it so difficult.
I don't claim to be any sort of expert on relationships or communication. I am far from it. I am only drawing on my own experience and difficulties with communicating with people in my life. Sometimes I wish that if I had a super power it could be to make a person feel how I feel, and I could feel how they feel. If that happened, I think there would be a lot less misunderstandings. But since that is not likely to ever happen, I will just have to keep guessing at other people's feelings, and hopefully I will get good enough at it to someday have great relationships with all who I interact with.
Friday, April 28, 2017
What Will Happen Will Happen
I read something on the internet once that said, "Trying to clean the house when the kids are home is like trying to brush your teeth while eating an Oreo." I don't have any kids, but I feel like this is a good metaphor for my life in general. It seems like whenever I am trying to get something done, there are always larger forces at play that basically void whatever I am trying to do.
It's hard for me to explain what I am talking about, but I'll try. It's like when you are trying to eat healthy, only to discover that the vegetables you are eating have been sprayed with toxic pesticides. It's like always washing your hands to stay clean, only to discover you are using contaminated water. It's like trying to recycle to save the planet only to find out that the planet can't be saved by recycling. It's like trying to be a good person only to realize being a good person doesn't guarantee you a better life.
You see what I mean? I want to do the right thing and live a good life, but many times it is so discouraging knowing that everything you do could be for nothing, or everything you do could be the wrong thing. Most of the time you never know if you are doing the best thing. You just have to take a stab at it and hope your life turns out the way you want.
I sometimes get down about all the unknown forces that may destroy my life even as I try desperately to avoid them. But I think at that point, I just need to stop worrying about things I can't control. We all do the best that we can, and if our best is not good enough there is nothing else we can do but relax and let what will happen, happen.
It's hard for me to explain what I am talking about, but I'll try. It's like when you are trying to eat healthy, only to discover that the vegetables you are eating have been sprayed with toxic pesticides. It's like always washing your hands to stay clean, only to discover you are using contaminated water. It's like trying to recycle to save the planet only to find out that the planet can't be saved by recycling. It's like trying to be a good person only to realize being a good person doesn't guarantee you a better life.
You see what I mean? I want to do the right thing and live a good life, but many times it is so discouraging knowing that everything you do could be for nothing, or everything you do could be the wrong thing. Most of the time you never know if you are doing the best thing. You just have to take a stab at it and hope your life turns out the way you want.
I sometimes get down about all the unknown forces that may destroy my life even as I try desperately to avoid them. But I think at that point, I just need to stop worrying about things I can't control. We all do the best that we can, and if our best is not good enough there is nothing else we can do but relax and let what will happen, happen.
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
The Right Amount of Love to the Right Places
When I go to websites such as Facebook, I often notice that certain people get a lot of likes and responses on things they post. These people obviously have a lot of friends and are well-liked. Then there are others who usually get few likes, even when you can tell they are posting something that is very important to them. Do these people deserve less love than the people who get hundreds of likes? Probably not. But I think in our efforts to do what is popular, we often forget about others who probably need more love and attention than the people who already get it.
Is it good to generate good feelings and positivity by liking what people post? Of course. Could we more effectively use our power of positivity on people who are more deserving or needing? I think so. We all need to feel loved and valued, and for popular people, that feeling usually comes more easily because they get a lot of love from a lot of people. But for not-so-popular people, feeling loved can be a struggle because they don't hear that they are loved very often.
I'm not saying that the popular people need less love. But why can't we give the same amount of love to the less popular people? If you had two people and one was starving and the other was well-fed, who would you give food to? Certainly to the starving person. Yet I think there are many people who are starving for love while others continue to heap it upon those who are satisfied.
Why can't we give more love to those who are starving for it? I don't just mean on social media, either. I'm sure you come across someone almost everyday who needs more love. Why not give a smile or a kind word when it can mean the difference between surviving and thriving? I think sometimes, in our efforts to fit in, we forget to spread love to those who need it the most. This post is a reminder to myself and everyone that we can create a lot more good in the world if we give more love to those who don't get it readily.
Is it good to generate good feelings and positivity by liking what people post? Of course. Could we more effectively use our power of positivity on people who are more deserving or needing? I think so. We all need to feel loved and valued, and for popular people, that feeling usually comes more easily because they get a lot of love from a lot of people. But for not-so-popular people, feeling loved can be a struggle because they don't hear that they are loved very often.
I'm not saying that the popular people need less love. But why can't we give the same amount of love to the less popular people? If you had two people and one was starving and the other was well-fed, who would you give food to? Certainly to the starving person. Yet I think there are many people who are starving for love while others continue to heap it upon those who are satisfied.
Why can't we give more love to those who are starving for it? I don't just mean on social media, either. I'm sure you come across someone almost everyday who needs more love. Why not give a smile or a kind word when it can mean the difference between surviving and thriving? I think sometimes, in our efforts to fit in, we forget to spread love to those who need it the most. This post is a reminder to myself and everyone that we can create a lot more good in the world if we give more love to those who don't get it readily.
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
True Friend or Conveniently Kind?
Since I grew up as a shy and awkward sort of child in a place with a lot of religious people who are taught to be nice to everyone, I often had people who where not my friends who would once in a while be very kind to me. They would go out of their way to make an effort to make me feel included or liked. This is commendable, because I believe we all need to make more of an effort to make others feel worth-while and appreciated. On the same note, I feel like probably 90 percent of the time these efforts are not genuine or altruistic.
This is a problem because it means the people who are trying to be kind are not really doing it unselfishly to make you feel better. They are doing it to make themselves feel better. They want to feel like they are doing the right thing, but they don't want to put the effort in that it takes to truly be a friend. They seem to be doing it out of some moral or religious obligation or expectation rather than a real feeling of compassion, love, or friendship.
For example, I had a seminary teacher who hardly ever seemed to notice me, yet for about a week he would go out of his way to try to make conversation with me. After that week - nothing. Or the time when a peer club in high school put some candy in my locker with some type of note saying how I was a special person. I immediately threw the candy in the trash, and hoped one of them saw it. This was probably a little over-dramatic on my part, but give me a break, I was in high school. It probably also wasn't fair to the peer club kids who were also in high school and who were just trying to do something nice. The point is, what I needed at that time was a real friend. Someone who I could talk to about my fears and problems without judgement. I didn't need a cheap treat and a shallow card. I needed true effort and time.
There was also the time when my mom died when I was a teenager, and I had multiple grown women come to me and tell me that they would be there for me if I needed anything. Do you think I ever had another single meaningful conversation with any of those women? You guessed it. Now maybe I am just bitter, angry, or over-sensitive. Obviously these people's hearts were in the right place, and maybe I was too moody or unapproachable and they felt like they couldn't get through to me. But, too this day, I still can't stand fake and shallow attempts at kindness. I have seen people talk kindly to someone's face and then talk crap behind their back. I can only assume they do it to me also. If you are going to be a friend, do it right, and not just so you can feel better about all the wrongs you have done that person.
This post maybe all about being hypocritical, because I probably don't try to be a true friend as much as I could. However, I am very aware of whether or not I am being genuine, and I try to never do anything that is not genuine. I know how much it hurts to think you have made a friend, only to be abandoned when it is no longer convenient. I don't wish to make anyone else feel like that. If you are trying to be a better person, start with being nice, but realize that, at some point, you will have to step it up and be a true friend if you don't want to come off as shallow or insincere.
This is a problem because it means the people who are trying to be kind are not really doing it unselfishly to make you feel better. They are doing it to make themselves feel better. They want to feel like they are doing the right thing, but they don't want to put the effort in that it takes to truly be a friend. They seem to be doing it out of some moral or religious obligation or expectation rather than a real feeling of compassion, love, or friendship.
For example, I had a seminary teacher who hardly ever seemed to notice me, yet for about a week he would go out of his way to try to make conversation with me. After that week - nothing. Or the time when a peer club in high school put some candy in my locker with some type of note saying how I was a special person. I immediately threw the candy in the trash, and hoped one of them saw it. This was probably a little over-dramatic on my part, but give me a break, I was in high school. It probably also wasn't fair to the peer club kids who were also in high school and who were just trying to do something nice. The point is, what I needed at that time was a real friend. Someone who I could talk to about my fears and problems without judgement. I didn't need a cheap treat and a shallow card. I needed true effort and time.
There was also the time when my mom died when I was a teenager, and I had multiple grown women come to me and tell me that they would be there for me if I needed anything. Do you think I ever had another single meaningful conversation with any of those women? You guessed it. Now maybe I am just bitter, angry, or over-sensitive. Obviously these people's hearts were in the right place, and maybe I was too moody or unapproachable and they felt like they couldn't get through to me. But, too this day, I still can't stand fake and shallow attempts at kindness. I have seen people talk kindly to someone's face and then talk crap behind their back. I can only assume they do it to me also. If you are going to be a friend, do it right, and not just so you can feel better about all the wrongs you have done that person.
This post maybe all about being hypocritical, because I probably don't try to be a true friend as much as I could. However, I am very aware of whether or not I am being genuine, and I try to never do anything that is not genuine. I know how much it hurts to think you have made a friend, only to be abandoned when it is no longer convenient. I don't wish to make anyone else feel like that. If you are trying to be a better person, start with being nice, but realize that, at some point, you will have to step it up and be a true friend if you don't want to come off as shallow or insincere.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Too Much
If you're like me, you like to cook and you like to look for new recipes on the internet in places like Pinterest and Facebook. Usually, my preferred method of doing this is ideally scrolling through when I have some spare time, and saving the recipes that look good. Sometimes, however, I need to look up a recipe for a certain occasion. In this case I will do a search for...lets say, roasted carrots recipe. If I do this on Pinterest, (an I am guessing just about anywhere else) my screen is suddenly bombarded with pictures of perfectly roasted carrots in just the right lighting, with a professional-looking title proclaiming something like "The Perfect Roasted Carrot Recipe" or "Roasted Carrots with a Touch of Thyme and Lemon Sage" or "Fancy-Smancy Carrots Roasted Over an Open Fire with Imported Truffle Oil and Edible Gold Dust".
What the? Is it just me or is this a bit excessive for FREAKING CARROTS?! Granted I asked for carrots. I just didn't expect carrots to be shoved down my throat with a silver fork and a drip of the finest olive oil. Are they good? Sure. Do they justify three days preparation and a blood sacrifice? Probably not. I'm all about good food and doing things well, but it just seems like a lot of people are over-doing it when it comes to posting a recipe or any kind of information. There are 30 different pictures of the carrots being made, and a whole back-story about how your grandma always made these carrots, and now you make them once a week or the whole world might spin off it's axis and we will all go hurtling into space.
Take a deep breath people! We will all live if the carrots are sub-par! Maybe people find this shit enjoyable, but I sure as hell would be exhausted trying the create the perfect roasted carrot recipe post. Think of the long photo-shoot hours! Think of the styling, the writing, the designing, the 32 batches of carrots that are in the garbage because they were not "just right". Think of your children crying in the background because they have had nothing but sub-par carrots for two days and they can't get you to do anything but circle a plate of carrots with your camera and mutter "Nope, start again. The one on the left is a bit too squishy-looking". MY GOD! It gives me anxiety just thinking about it!
It just seems like there is too much pressure and too much competition these days. It's not enough to be good at something. You have to be the best that ever lived or you won't stand out. But why? Why do we do this when it stresses us out and makes us miserable? What happened to a simple and happy life? What happened to a life where you may not be remembered by everyone, but you slept long and well every night knowing you didn't have to get up at 2AM to tend to your carrots? Life is not perfect, and simplicity will not solve everything. But I think we could all rest a bit easier if we just stopped trying to do too much.
What the? Is it just me or is this a bit excessive for FREAKING CARROTS?! Granted I asked for carrots. I just didn't expect carrots to be shoved down my throat with a silver fork and a drip of the finest olive oil. Are they good? Sure. Do they justify three days preparation and a blood sacrifice? Probably not. I'm all about good food and doing things well, but it just seems like a lot of people are over-doing it when it comes to posting a recipe or any kind of information. There are 30 different pictures of the carrots being made, and a whole back-story about how your grandma always made these carrots, and now you make them once a week or the whole world might spin off it's axis and we will all go hurtling into space.
Take a deep breath people! We will all live if the carrots are sub-par! Maybe people find this shit enjoyable, but I sure as hell would be exhausted trying the create the perfect roasted carrot recipe post. Think of the long photo-shoot hours! Think of the styling, the writing, the designing, the 32 batches of carrots that are in the garbage because they were not "just right". Think of your children crying in the background because they have had nothing but sub-par carrots for two days and they can't get you to do anything but circle a plate of carrots with your camera and mutter "Nope, start again. The one on the left is a bit too squishy-looking". MY GOD! It gives me anxiety just thinking about it!
It just seems like there is too much pressure and too much competition these days. It's not enough to be good at something. You have to be the best that ever lived or you won't stand out. But why? Why do we do this when it stresses us out and makes us miserable? What happened to a simple and happy life? What happened to a life where you may not be remembered by everyone, but you slept long and well every night knowing you didn't have to get up at 2AM to tend to your carrots? Life is not perfect, and simplicity will not solve everything. But I think we could all rest a bit easier if we just stopped trying to do too much.
Saturday, February 25, 2017
Pushing It Too Far
Since I got a new Fitbit in December, I've been trying to make it to the gym more often. Usually that only means once or twice a week, but at least it's something, right? All this new physical activity has got me thinking about human limits.
We have all heard the stories about amazing people who made it beyond what others thought was humanly possible. These are the people who break world records, come back from the brink of death, or survive against impossible odds. In fact, I have heard of many people who believe most humans don't know their own limits. They believe that when you say you can't possibly do another push-up, you probably can do many more. They believe you just don't want to go through the physical pain, or maybe you are just lazy, or maybe it is just your own mind tricking you into believing that.
I am not one of those people. I believe people who say they are at their limit, and let me tell you why - it's not worth the risk. I think that when you feel you are at your limit, that is a warning. A signal that if you try to go farther you may end up seriously disabled or dead. Some people seem obsessed with finding their limits. I can't understand this because why risk death just to see if you can run for five more minutes? Let me tell you when you find your limit - WHEN YOU DIE. That is the only limit that matters to me, and I would think it would be common sense. Yet time and again I hear of people pushing themselves just a bit further every time. I hear about trainers telling people to keep going when they feel they need to stop. I just don't get it.
I'm sure there is some benefit to pushing yourself once in a while. Anything hard it going to require pushing past more than a few mental boundaries. But when it comes to physical limits, I am not willing to risk my future for one moment of glory. I think the further your try to go past your limits, the higher the chance you won't make it out the same, or even at all. Limits my be an obsession for some people, but as for me I will stop when my body tells me to, and I won't tempt fate.
We have all heard the stories about amazing people who made it beyond what others thought was humanly possible. These are the people who break world records, come back from the brink of death, or survive against impossible odds. In fact, I have heard of many people who believe most humans don't know their own limits. They believe that when you say you can't possibly do another push-up, you probably can do many more. They believe you just don't want to go through the physical pain, or maybe you are just lazy, or maybe it is just your own mind tricking you into believing that.
I am not one of those people. I believe people who say they are at their limit, and let me tell you why - it's not worth the risk. I think that when you feel you are at your limit, that is a warning. A signal that if you try to go farther you may end up seriously disabled or dead. Some people seem obsessed with finding their limits. I can't understand this because why risk death just to see if you can run for five more minutes? Let me tell you when you find your limit - WHEN YOU DIE. That is the only limit that matters to me, and I would think it would be common sense. Yet time and again I hear of people pushing themselves just a bit further every time. I hear about trainers telling people to keep going when they feel they need to stop. I just don't get it.
I'm sure there is some benefit to pushing yourself once in a while. Anything hard it going to require pushing past more than a few mental boundaries. But when it comes to physical limits, I am not willing to risk my future for one moment of glory. I think the further your try to go past your limits, the higher the chance you won't make it out the same, or even at all. Limits my be an obsession for some people, but as for me I will stop when my body tells me to, and I won't tempt fate.
Saturday, January 14, 2017
More Than Choices
I came across a quote on the internet that said, "Your life is a result of your choices. If you don't like your life, it's time to make some better choices." I know this is meant to be a motivational saying, but I really dislike quotes like this.
For one thing, your life is not solely a result of your choices. Yes that is a big part, but it is also a result of other people's choices, your environment, your physiology, your failure to make choices, and more variables than could ever be pinned down as the only source of an unsatisfactory life. In short, your total life satisfaction is a result of many things, only one of which is choice.
If a person decides to make better choices, I'm all for it. I think good choices can go a long way in improving quality of life. But it will not solve everything. Better choices do not solve being born in a third-world country. Better choices do not solve being born with a mental illness. Better choices don't solve being abused as a child. Better choices aren't the cure for lack of access to nutritional food and clean water. Choices can make a difference, but the quote implies that choices are the only thing holding you back from a better life.
Instead of choices, I like to focus on attitude. When life puts you in situations where you have no choice but to deal with it, your attitude is the only thing you can control, and it can make a big difference. Say you are born into a poor family. Your choices may get you out of that situation eventually, but if they don't, where does that leave you? You feel defeated and like you can't make any good choices. You feel like a failure at life. Now imagine that you change your attitude toward being poor. Whether you become fabulously rich or not, you feel happy. You know what is important in life and you appreciate what you have. You value friends and family and you help others because you know what it is like to be down.
Your attitude improves your life satisfaction whether you get what you want or not. Choices can improves your circumstances, but not your always your satisfaction. If you want to improve your life, I would suggest having a good attitude first and foremost, and THEN making wise choices. Because I don't believe your life is a result of your choices. It is a result of many things, but only attitude can make the result a positive one no matter how it turns out.
For one thing, your life is not solely a result of your choices. Yes that is a big part, but it is also a result of other people's choices, your environment, your physiology, your failure to make choices, and more variables than could ever be pinned down as the only source of an unsatisfactory life. In short, your total life satisfaction is a result of many things, only one of which is choice.
If a person decides to make better choices, I'm all for it. I think good choices can go a long way in improving quality of life. But it will not solve everything. Better choices do not solve being born in a third-world country. Better choices do not solve being born with a mental illness. Better choices don't solve being abused as a child. Better choices aren't the cure for lack of access to nutritional food and clean water. Choices can make a difference, but the quote implies that choices are the only thing holding you back from a better life.
Instead of choices, I like to focus on attitude. When life puts you in situations where you have no choice but to deal with it, your attitude is the only thing you can control, and it can make a big difference. Say you are born into a poor family. Your choices may get you out of that situation eventually, but if they don't, where does that leave you? You feel defeated and like you can't make any good choices. You feel like a failure at life. Now imagine that you change your attitude toward being poor. Whether you become fabulously rich or not, you feel happy. You know what is important in life and you appreciate what you have. You value friends and family and you help others because you know what it is like to be down.
Your attitude improves your life satisfaction whether you get what you want or not. Choices can improves your circumstances, but not your always your satisfaction. If you want to improve your life, I would suggest having a good attitude first and foremost, and THEN making wise choices. Because I don't believe your life is a result of your choices. It is a result of many things, but only attitude can make the result a positive one no matter how it turns out.
Friday, January 13, 2017
My Veiwpoint
I've been feeling a little down lately. I think this time of year is a little blah, especially if you don't have a lot of stuff to keep you busy. And sometimes even if you do have a lot of things to keep you busy, you don't want to do any of them because you feel blah. It's also been tough without Beary to keep me company. I'm sure we will eventually get another dog, but right now it seems impossible that I could ever find a dog half as wonderful as Bear was.
It will come as no surprise to most people that because of my shyness I struggle to communicate with other people. Sometimes that leads to serious misunderstandings or disagreements, and sometimes it leads to just a general lack of interest in me or my feelings. I know not everyone will like me, and I am fine with that. What I don't like is when people don't grant me the same courtesy or respect that I give them. You may disagree with me or even dislike me, but at least be respectful of me and try to see things from my point-of-view.
Many times I have run into people who treat me rudely or unkindly for no reason that I am aware of. My best guess is that I inadvertently did something to upset them, or they are just in a bad mood and they take it out on me or others around them. In either case it is completely unfair to not even hint to me where your aggression is coming from. How am I supposed to correct my mistakes if I don't know what is wrong? And how are you supposed to better yourself if you constantly take out your anger on innocent people?
We all have bad days, and even I occasionally slip and snap at someone for no reason or am rude for no reason. But if you catch yourself doing this over and over, you might want to take a step back and think what you can do differently. Think - How does the other person feel? What could be happening in the other person's life to make them feel upset? How can I react with kindness instead of vengeance? How can I make those around me more happy? How can I make myself more happy?
We can't control the actions of others. We can only control our own. But I truly believe that the things that will make others happy will also lead to our own happiness. So when we control our anger, we not only benefit others, but we benefit ourselves.
It will come as no surprise to most people that because of my shyness I struggle to communicate with other people. Sometimes that leads to serious misunderstandings or disagreements, and sometimes it leads to just a general lack of interest in me or my feelings. I know not everyone will like me, and I am fine with that. What I don't like is when people don't grant me the same courtesy or respect that I give them. You may disagree with me or even dislike me, but at least be respectful of me and try to see things from my point-of-view.
Many times I have run into people who treat me rudely or unkindly for no reason that I am aware of. My best guess is that I inadvertently did something to upset them, or they are just in a bad mood and they take it out on me or others around them. In either case it is completely unfair to not even hint to me where your aggression is coming from. How am I supposed to correct my mistakes if I don't know what is wrong? And how are you supposed to better yourself if you constantly take out your anger on innocent people?
We all have bad days, and even I occasionally slip and snap at someone for no reason or am rude for no reason. But if you catch yourself doing this over and over, you might want to take a step back and think what you can do differently. Think - How does the other person feel? What could be happening in the other person's life to make them feel upset? How can I react with kindness instead of vengeance? How can I make those around me more happy? How can I make myself more happy?
We can't control the actions of others. We can only control our own. But I truly believe that the things that will make others happy will also lead to our own happiness. So when we control our anger, we not only benefit others, but we benefit ourselves.
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