For Liam

Well it finally happened! My sweet baby boy Liam Thomas Berube was born 5 weeks early on July 12, 2018 by c-section. Since then I haven't had much time to think, let alone write a blog post. Maybe it is because he was in the NICU for three weeks, or because I was in the hospital for over a week, but parenthood has been a hundred times more difficult than I expected. I really thought I had some sort of grasp of what it would be like, but I had no clue. Now other parents give me a knowing look and I just know that we both now understand the insane difficulty of taking care of a child.

The last couple months are a blur of doctor visits, trips to the NICU, pumping breast milk (which by the way is also way more difficult than anyone lets on), crying (from me and Liam), getting very little sleep, and feeling confused and worried the majority of the time. Now that I have a child I love him to death and wouldn't trade him for the world. Would I recommend having children? HELL NO! Not unless you put no value on your money, sleep, spare time, and sanity. I truly have no idea how anyone every decides to have more than one child. Having one just about drove me to my limits.

I now take back any judgment I passed on any parents in the past. Knowing what I know now, I understand that most of them are just clinging to sanity and are at their wits end with the lack of sleep and increased demands on every part of their bodies and minds. I really did think that most parents where exaggerating when they talked about the difficultly of childbirth and parenting. Now, having had a c-section, I feel moderately traumatized and not at all sure how women act like it is no big deal. And parenting......well lets just say my anxiety will probably be ten times as high from now until eternity.

But as I write this, I look over, and there is an angel sleeping in a swing a few feet from me, and I couldn't imagine loving anything more than this beautiful little life. My heart swells with pride for him, and drops at the thought of any sadness or pain he might have. I hope and pray for his health and happiness more than anything. This little boy has changed my life in so many ways, but I wouldn't have it any other way.