How's That Working For You?

I have been known to watch Dr. Phil from time to time, and while I think he gives a lot of sound advice, there are some things he says that I don't always agree with. One thing he likes to do often is to ask people what they have been doing and then ask, "How's that working for you?" Then the person usually responds with, "It's not working." and Dr. Phil can declare that if you always do the same thing, you will always get the same results. There is even a saying that states something to effect of, "The definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect different results."

This is where I disagree somewhat. Yes, you can generally expect certain reactions when dealing with other people. If you are mean to someone you can usually expect them to be mean back, or to be sad and upset. If you smile at someone, you might expect to lift their mood or get a smile back. But wait a minute. Most of us can think of a time when we smiled at someone and they were still ornery or were mean to someone and that person was unaffected. This is because human emotions are not governed by hard and fast rules like say, the laws of physics. Different people do not always react the same in the same situation, and the same person may react differently in the same situation.

Let's say you are at a party and you see a girl making out with multiple people, and you call that girl a slut. You would generally expect the girl to be upset by this and maybe cry or call you a name back. But isn't it also possible that that particular girl loves being called a slut and is proud of her sexual conquests? Isn't it also possible that the girl would have usually been upset, but she had recently decided to not let other people's perceptions of her bother her? You see, people's emotions are fickle and subject to constant change, so there can be no set "rule" for dealing with any given situation.

There can be guidelines of course. You probably don't want to go around calling every girl you see a slut, just to see what her reaction might be. Also, it is usually not good advice to be extremely nice to everyone, lest you get the reputation of a doormat, or become unhappy from pleasing everyone and neglecting yourself. But there is never going to be an exact "formula" that you can follow to get exactly what you want. It is very possible to keep doing the same thing and to get different results because when it comes to human interactions, there are too many variables to isolate.

I do agree with Dr. Phil on one point - If you are unhappy with your life, it is probably a good idea to try changing something to try to make it better. But change does not guarantee a positive outcome, just as staying the same does not guarantee the same results.