Being Myself

Look at me flexing my writing muscles and writing more than once in a month! At least I am trying, hey?

When I was younger, I felt like it was was very hard to be myself. Not that I truly knew who I was because most young people are still discovering who they are and trying a lot of different things to get there. But I felt a lot of restrictions growing up - restrictions from my family, restrictions from religion, restrictions from myself. I was afraid to try something different because I was afraid to venture out into unknown territory, beyond what I knew I was comfortable with. Then, in my early twenties, certain events in my life almost forced me to leave that comfort zone. It was scary at first, as any change is. However, with time, I enjoyed my new freedom more and more as I started to make wonderful discoveries about myself and about life.

I feel very lucky that that I went through this transition, even though it was a struggle at times. I am grateful because I think many people never get to experience that freedom. They go their whole lives feeling stifled by social pressures that tell them they must be a certain way, and sometimes they don't even realize it. Sometimes the pain of breaking free is more than a person can take, and it is definitely harder for someone who grows up with more of that pressure on them. The security of conformity disguises itself as happiness. I don't blame these people. I only feel sorry for them and wish for them to find a way to find their true selves and true happiness.

All of this is not to say that I am a perfect person who has found the perfect road to happiness. I still conform in a lot of ways and feel pressure to "fit in". I don't always know what it right or what I should be. But I also feel a lot of joy and freedom that I never knew in my younger years. I feel freer to try new things, to think a different way, to speak my mind, and to do what I want to do. I would not trade any of that for the world.