Ducks In A Row

For most of my life I've had an illusion that one day I will have everything in my life set up just how I like it.  I will have just the right amount of food in the kitchen.  Everything will be clean.  All my bills will be paid.  I will have just the right amount of clothes with nothing that I don't enjoy wearing.  I will have just the right amount of spare time.  I won't have any aches and pains, and my body will be in a perfect state of health.  I will have everything organized ideally.  Etc, ect, ect.

Like I said, I know this is all an illusion.  Some people believe that heaven will be a state of perfection kind of like this.  I don't know if that's true, but I do know that my brain keeps telling me that somehow I can reach this goal on earth.  I always feel like I need to be one step ahead and eventually everything will line up just right.

I guess some people would simply call this being a perfectionist.  But I feel like it's something else.  I don't necessarily care to have everything perfect in my life.  It's more of a feeling that there's some unreachable position where you will feel perfectly at ease with no worries that there is something that still needs to be done.

I realize that this condition will never be met physically, and I must learn to feel at ease within myself, even when there are still things to get done.  That, as you may have figured out, is easier said than done.  It's more of a zen disposition than any outward achievement.  I hope to eventually learn this way of thinking, just for my own sanity.  Because it's never healthy to constantly feel like you need to do more.  And maybe if i don't get to experience it in this life, I will at least get to in the next.