What We Sweep Under The Rug

I know quite a few people who seem to be perfectionists. They brag about how much they clean their house or about how much work they get done. When they post pictures of themselves or their kids on the internet, everything seems to be perfect. There is not a hair out of place or a wrinkle in the clothes. But when I see these people, my thought is - "We all only have 24 hours in a day and there are always things you can't get done. So what kinds of things do these people neglect?"

For some reason I am always fascinated by the things people keep secret, or the things they just don't talk about often. So what are the not-so-perfect parts about a perfectionist's life that they don't want to talk about? Is their shower disgustingly dirty? Do they forget to pay a bill on time? Do they have moldy food in the fridge? Do they have poor relationships because they spend all their time on less-important things like cleaning? I wouldn't judge anyone for any of these things, especially because I have done one or two of them myself. So why do they hide it? Are they afraid they will be judged by others? Are they ashamed they can't do it all?

In addition to being interested by the secrets people keep, I am also interested by the way people prioritize their time. How do they decide what is important to get done in a day, and what they can let slide? This may seem like an obvious question to a lot of people. But for someone like me who has anxiety, even the smallest decisions can become crippling. So I wonder, if a person only has time to vacuum or mop, which do they choose? If you have to choose between cleaning the bathroom or spending time with your family, what do you do? I think most people would choose family time. But then what if there is always something more important than cleaning the bathroom? Do you just give up on cleaning it?

I have kind of come to the conclusion over my lifetime that there is never a perfect choice. It may not matter if you choose mopping over vacuuming, or it may make all the difference in the world. You won't know until you make the choice. I have learned to just try to go with the flow and base my decisions off of what feels right and what has worked for me in the past. Others can give advice, but ultimately my choices are my own, so it doesn't really matter what other people say. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn't, but it will never be perfect. Life never is.

Two Perspectives

I would like you to picture, for a moment, two cars that are traveling down the same road at the same time of day. The people inside are seeing and feeling the same area at the same time, so they must be having the same experience, right? Not so fast. I didn't tell you that the two cars are very different. One is a beautiful luxury car with leather seats and air conditioning. It has a very good sound system and the ride is very smooth. As the car passes, people notice it and comment on it's beauty or wave at the driver.

The second car is a little worse for wear. It is old and beat-up, and barely runs. There is no air conditioning, and the stereo only plays two garbled radio stations. The ride is very bumpy, and as the car passes, people either don't notice or look at it in disgust. Now do you still think the drivers are having the same experience?

I wanted to use this metaphor to show how easy it is to mistake a common road with a common experience. People often seem to think that they know how others feel if they have been in the same situation. There are similarities, of course, when people go through the same things. Yet people tend to forget how vastly different human bodies (a.k.a. the cars) can be. Each person sees and perceives the world differently based on their background, personality, and looks.

I'm not recommending that we highlight our differences. On the contrary, we should look for our commonalities and build understanding from those things we share. But we should not assume that someone feels the same way we did when we were in the same situation. That only leads to hurt and misunderstanding. The person in the old car might feel very bad if he were judged for having a stressful ride just because the driver of the luxury car had a pleasant ride on the same road. The two drivers could share in their common experience without assuming the other should have felt the same. That way, the drivers can share their similar experiences without feeling judged for their different perceptions.

I want to take one moment to also say that if you leave a comment on my blog, please write something to indicate that you have actually read and understood it. Otherwise, I will probably delete your comment because it seems you are just trying to advertise your website in the comments.