One of the reasons I like to write so much is because I think it helps me deal with, and sort through emotions. But even after all these years, I still feel like I have made little to no progress in understanding the complexities and mysteries of emotion. They still seem strange and even dangerous to me at times.
Someone who knows me casually my think I don't feel many emotions because I try not to show what I am feeling often. However, I don't know if that is the best way to deal with emotions. I feel them alright. I feel them so hard sometimes I can barely contain myself. But I am afraid to show. Afraid of what, though? Afraid of judgment? Afraid of loss of self-control? Afraid of misunderstanding? Afraid of what it all means? These are some big questions, and their lack of answers are part of what makes emotions so scary to me.
If you think about, emotions are always there with you and they control almost everything you do. They come and go as they please without warning. They can make the exact same situation either a good one or a bad one. Yet people talk about controlling emotions like it is no big deal. Babies and toddlers are the only people allowed to not control their emotions in public, and even then we scold them and tell them about self-control. Maybe physically it is easy to control how you act, but I would argue it is damn near impossible to mentally control how you feel.
For example, when something happens to make you upset and someone says, "Don't get upset", I literally have no clue how I am supposed to just make that happen. Sure! Let me just turn off my brain for a moment! I know there are strategies involved with this, like taking a deep breath, trying to think of something more pleasant, or trying to think about how the other person feels. But absolutely none of that takes away the emotion, or even diminishes it much. To me that is like cutting someone and then saying, "Try not to feel the pain." Well, there are ways to not feel the pain, but they all include either incredible mental and physical control, or drugs. I think it is ironic when people judge others for dealing with emotional pain with drugs, when they have no problem popping an aspirin when their leg hurts. To me there is no difference except for a stereotype.
I will probably never discover the secret to controlling emotion, or if there is even any meaning to emotion besides a biological process. All I know is that I think we need to give more leeway for them, and more understanding to those dealing with difficult ones. My own emotions are something I prize yet respect, because they can change the tone of my life at any given moment for better or for worse. Yet I wouldn't have it any other way.
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Sunday, May 22, 2016
Opinion Overload
If there is one thing I have learned in my 34 years, it's that there is advice EVERYWHERE. After that, the second thing I have learned, is that most of that advice comes off as downright demands. The third thing I have learned is this - most of that advice is nonsense that would never work for me or even the majority of people.
When you think of the kind of advice I am talking about, you may imagine an overbearing mother or a religious fanatic. Yes those can be sources of well-meaning but unwanted advice. However, I would suggest that the kind of advice I am talking about can come from even more covert places. I am talking about things like internet articles, doctors, lawyers, newspapers, scientists, news reporters, books, and just about any respectable source you can think of.
You may be wondering at this point exactly what is the kind of advice I am talking about? Let me give some examples. When your doctor tells you you need to take a certain medication to improve your condition and when you take it, it does nothing to help. The news reporter tells you the best way to prevent (insert incurable disease here) has been found to (insert any daily habit). You hear that a scientist has said that the best thing for your tomato plant is (insert plant food idea here). An internet article claims that as long as you get 8 hours of sleep a night you will feel great every day. A fitness expert claims that such-and-such a regime will be the best for such-and-such a person. These may not be the best examples, but by now I hope you are getting the idea. A lot of people think they have figured out the best way to do things, and they insist that you do the same if you are to have any semblance of a good life.
I'm not saying all of this advice is bad or even unfounded. If you doctor prescribed you a medicine, it is probably because there are years of study and experience put into that medicine. If someone says 8 hours of sleep is the best amount, it comes from the experience of all human existence. I certainly don't claim to know better than all of human-kind, but I do know what is better FOR ME than anyone in the world, and I get really tired of having other opinions shoved down my throat. Sometimes I just want to do my own thing even if it means making the wrong choice or going against years of widely-accepted theories. Let me feel free and not bullied into living the perfect life.
You may feel fine with believing everything your doctor says, or doing anything that more than a million people have condoned. As for me, I take every opinion with a grain of salt (or two), and more often than not, the popular thing is not the best thing for me.
When you think of the kind of advice I am talking about, you may imagine an overbearing mother or a religious fanatic. Yes those can be sources of well-meaning but unwanted advice. However, I would suggest that the kind of advice I am talking about can come from even more covert places. I am talking about things like internet articles, doctors, lawyers, newspapers, scientists, news reporters, books, and just about any respectable source you can think of.
You may be wondering at this point exactly what is the kind of advice I am talking about? Let me give some examples. When your doctor tells you you need to take a certain medication to improve your condition and when you take it, it does nothing to help. The news reporter tells you the best way to prevent (insert incurable disease here) has been found to (insert any daily habit). You hear that a scientist has said that the best thing for your tomato plant is (insert plant food idea here). An internet article claims that as long as you get 8 hours of sleep a night you will feel great every day. A fitness expert claims that such-and-such a regime will be the best for such-and-such a person. These may not be the best examples, but by now I hope you are getting the idea. A lot of people think they have figured out the best way to do things, and they insist that you do the same if you are to have any semblance of a good life.
I'm not saying all of this advice is bad or even unfounded. If you doctor prescribed you a medicine, it is probably because there are years of study and experience put into that medicine. If someone says 8 hours of sleep is the best amount, it comes from the experience of all human existence. I certainly don't claim to know better than all of human-kind, but I do know what is better FOR ME than anyone in the world, and I get really tired of having other opinions shoved down my throat. Sometimes I just want to do my own thing even if it means making the wrong choice or going against years of widely-accepted theories. Let me feel free and not bullied into living the perfect life.
You may feel fine with believing everything your doctor says, or doing anything that more than a million people have condoned. As for me, I take every opinion with a grain of salt (or two), and more often than not, the popular thing is not the best thing for me.
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