Breaking

There are times in just about everyone's life where you feel beaten down, not good enough, and overall worthless. Sometimes you may feel like this for no reason, but many times it's because others are telling you these things. They tell you you need to change. You need to do better. You are not living up to your potential. Your best just isn't enough. While these kinds of comments can often be well-intentioned, they can also be very discouraging, especially if you already feel you are at your breaking limit.

I think that many times in life people just don't understand how another person feels, or what they are truly capable of, and they try to ask of them more than they can handle. Of course the misjudged person can always say no to a request of more effort. They can even say they can't physically or emotionally push themselves any further. But that choice can sometimes be judged even more harshly than just continually struggling to try to do better. First of all, the person making the request probably won't believe you are really at your breaking limit, because they wouldn't have asked if they did. Secondly, if they do believe you, they could simply choose to discard you because you are not good enough. Third, you will always have the label of "the person who failed".

I do believe it is important to improve yourself and strive for better. But I also believe that, if you let it, the world will bleed you dry by continually asking for "just a little bit more". Finding the sweet spot between those two things can be difficult to impossible. When do you put in exhausting effort every day, and when do you cut your losses and try to move on? I'm not sure of the answer to that, but I do want to give some encouragement to those who are struggling with this -

You are a good person.

You are not broken just because you are different.

Your struggles and pain are real, even if no one else can see it.

Just because something is harder for you than for most people doesn't mean you are worthless.

Don't listen to everything other people say about you.

You are loved.

I get emotional writing those lines because I think so many people are needlessly struggling with feeling inferior, when all they need is some love and encouragement and less judgment. I know some people don't believe that. They believe in tough love and pushing someone to their breaking limit. But I believe people will bloom far brighter when they are loved and encouraged, than when they are pressured into submission. I hope everyone out there can begin to be less judgmental and start lifting up those who are downtrodden, because those who are pushed too far may break.....and not all fractures can be healed.

I Miss These

I have been doing this blog for quite some time now, and occasionally I find it hard to think of things to write about. So I have been saving a few writing prompts on Pinterest to give me ideas when I am in short supply. This is both a good and bad thing. It's good because obviously it gives me ideas. It's bad because sometimes it gives me too many ideas and I want to write about them all at once. But I will try to contain my enthusiasm and pick one topic at a time.

The topic that stood out to me this time is - Something you miss. I think this one interested me because I have been thinking about the past a lot lately and I miss many things about it. So I will tell you a few of them. Hopefully you will find them interesting, since people often enjoy talking about themselves, but others don't always enjoy listening.

- I miss my mom. I miss how sweet and loving and brave she was. I miss her tender kindness. I miss how she always made life fun for her kids. I miss how she made us dinner every night. I miss her love of learning and writing.

- I miss Bear. I miss her wet kisses and silent presence. I miss her little barks warning me that someone was outside, and her big barks warning me that someone was at the door. I miss her leaning on me every time I sat down and she wanted to be close. I miss her running in a field of grass like life was so wonderful she couldn't express her joy in any other way but to run at top speed. I miss her love and acceptance of everyone.

- I miss when I was a kid and my family would celebrate together during the holidays. It wasn't big or extravagant, but I always felt warm and close and loved and like things would never change.

- I miss being a kid. I miss not knowing the scary things in the world. I miss just laughing and playing without feeling judged or guilty.

- I miss my hair. This may seem like a silly one, but hair really makes a difference in the life of a woman. No I am not bald. However, my hair has changed dramatically from my teenage years due to health conditions and maybe just the stress of life. It is much more frizzy, thin, and unmanageable, and no amount of hair products can bring it back to how it was. I miss being able to brush it without it falling out at all. I miss being able to do certain hair styles. I miss not worrying about it clogging up the drain and the vacuum.

- I miss hanging out with my brothers more. We all grew up and life got busy and complicated, and in some ways we grew apart. But I often think about how we were as kids and how much fun we had together. I know it can't be the same now, but I wish we could get to know each other better as adults and enjoy time together now.

- I miss the first apartment I had with Mike. It was just a nice place with just the right amount of room. It was on the second floor right in the middle of the complex so I could look out the front window and see everything that was going on. I don't remember ever seeing a spider there, and it didn't seem to get too dusty like my current house. I didn't have to worry about mowing the lawn or shoveling the snow.

-I miss hanging out with friends. Just like with my brothers, life gets busy and there never seems to be time for fun. Yes Mike and I do hang out with friends from time to time. But I miss the spontaneous fun that happened with friends in high school or college. These days hanging out requires more of a laborious planning process.

- I miss not wearing glasses. They just get annoying sometimes.

- I miss having more energy. Once again life has taken a bit of a toll on me. I don't think I have half the energy I did as a teenager.

So there you go. Those are some of the things I miss most. I know they are mostly pretty sad, but it's not all doom and gloom. Just because I miss things from time to time doesn't mean I can't find time to be positive and look toward the future. In fact I make an effort not to get stuck in the past, because while memories can be enticing, there is no future there.