Shaky Ground

I have always tried to be a good person in my life, but I know there are times I fall very short of the ideal, and I also know there are people who just plain don't like me. It's not that I expect everyone to like me. It's just that it's hard to keep your self-esteem up when you know there are people who wish nothing good for you. Do you know the feeling? I'm not talking about any random stranger. I'm talking about people who you were once close to, but for one reason or another you had a falling-out. These are the people who once had your back, but who would now do nothing for you. I don't know. Maybe not everyone has people like this in their lives. Maybe some people have learned to always part on good terms. I am not one of those people.

I have found that one of the hardest things in life has been to keep a positive self-image when I know others are trying to put me down. There are times when I had every reason to be happy, but I am unhappy because I feel like I don't deserve happiness when others are either wishing me unhappiness or are ambivalent to my feelings. It's a difficult feeling to describe. It's like if you had a best friend and you had a falling out with that friend. Then you do something great like graduate from college, and even though a lot of people are happy for you, you are upset because your former friend doesn't care. That person may have been there for you so many other times that accomplishments almost seem meaningless when you don't have their support.

I think the best thing to do when you loose a friend is to try to focus on all the people who still care about you and support you. It's really hard sometimes, but it's always best not to dwell on the negative. You can't do everything perfect, and if a friend doesn't understand that then it's not worth having their opinion of you. Just remember, you need to know you are a good person on your own, without anyone else's input. If you can't do that, you are already on shaky ground. Move your foundation rather than look for more support.

Me and Everything in the Universe

I have recently been realizing more and more how certain stories or scenarios play out over and over again in human history. There are countless examples of this, but some of them are -

-the rebellious teenager
-the leader who lets power go to his head
-the scientist who makes a discovery that changes everything
-the parents who work hard to support a family
-the traveler who feels strange in a foreign land
-the jilted lover
-the discovery of peace in nature
-the person who wants to become a doctor because doctors have helped him
-the loss of faith after the loss of a loved one
-the drug addict who never thought he would end up a drug addict

This list could go on forever, but you get the point. The same story happens over and over to different people, and yet when one of these things happens to us, we often feel entirely alone and unique. Should we not look at these similarities and gain strength from them rather than focus on our perceived isolation and differences?

What does it mean that these kinds of things happen again and again in history? Is it just a pattern? Does it mean anything? I'm not sure what the answers are. The logical side of me says that since humans are one species, then of course they will have similar behaviors and thus similar stories. Yet the emotional side of me says that maybe we can derive a deeper meaning or connection from our similar experiences. Maybe the rebellious teenager in the 1980s has a connection with the rebellious teen of today. Maybe the same can be said for rebellious teens on opposite sides of the planet. Are we meant to learn from these shared commonalities, or is is just a coincidence?

I want to think there is a reason for all this repetition in a chaotic world, and so that is what I will believe. I will continue to try to derive meaning from it until there is a very good reason to stop. Because why not try to find a connection with space, and time, and other humans, and everything in the universe?