Right now, it is still so hard to believe what has happened and how it will change our lives forever. There is just that sense that something is missing. Something is not quite right. There is a feeling of a pain that can not be eased. Friends and family have been incredibly kind and supportive to Mike and I. But only the two of us really know the full force of what the loss of Bear feels like. You see, Bear was more than a dog to us. It almost feels wrong to call her a dog. She was like a magical force full of kindness and love and goodness and happiness and humor. We connected with her on a level deeper than words or even actions. I could look into her eyes and just know that she understood me and supported me. I have never felt that connection with another animal, and a doubt I ever will again.
Since words are so lacking in describing the spirit of Bear, I would just like to list some of her characteristics and memories I have of her. At least that way I won't forget, and she can be memorialized in writing.
-Bear was unique in that she loved to watch t.v. When we turned on the t.v. to a show she recognized, she would come running and plop down right in front of the t.v., only a few inches away. She liked shows about dogs or cats, and would jump at the screen if she saw something running across it. She also liked shows that made Mike and I laugh, and she seemed appropriately nervous through scary movies. When we go up in the morning, she would sometimes sit in front of the t.v. and stare at the blank screen until someone turned it on. When we sat down to watch a movie, she was always right there, ready to watch the excitement with us.
-Bear was nervous of loud noises and wind. She would hide and shake, or pace around if it was during the night. We got in the habit of leaving the t.v. on soothing music or the animal channel if we were away when things were scary.
-When we left the house without Bear, she would immediately look through the windows to watch us leave. She didn't like being away from us and would never stray too far from us. Once we forget she was outside in the front yard, and after about half an hour, we opened the door and she was standing right there, wagging her tail.
-We let Bear off the leash most of the time when we took walks to the park, and almost every time she would take off running as soon as we let her off, not to get away from us, but because she seemed to feel the pure joy of just running freely. She almost always came back right away if we whistled or called her. Sometime we would play hide-and-seek with her. One of us would hide and then the other person would say "Where is so-and-so?" Bear would look panicked and begin searching tirelessly until she found the other person. When she found you, she would usually get very excited and jump around and lick you.
-Bear could jump very high. Whenever you asked if she wanted to "go outside" or "check the mail" or "go for a ride", she would begin bounding straight up into the air and then running around the house until you took her with you. She could also jump up on our bed, which is at least four feet off the ground.
-Some of Bear's favorite spots to curl up and sleep where on her bed, on our bed, on our Luv Sac, or, more recently, on our white couch. We used to try to keep her off of things because she would shed so much, but after a while, it became a routine to put a sheet over our bed every day so that she could lay up there. For some reason, she always got worried and nervous when we closed the door to our room.
-We have a laser pointer, and Bear loved chasing the red dot from it. If you even looked like you might touch the pointer, she would start going crazy and jumping all over the place before you even did anything. Then she would chase the dot back and forth across the whole living room, even after she was out of breath. Sometimes she would bite at the pointer in your hand just to let you know that she knew where the red dot was coming from.
-The snow in winter what always fun for Bear. She would do what can only be described as a "crazy run" through the snow, with her legs splayed out and stopping here and there to put her butt in the air and wag her tail. She would also dig in the snow if we told her "Dig! Dig! Dig!". She liked to play fetch with snowballs, and then eat them when she caught them.
-Bear was amazing at fetch and could jump and catch balls and toys in mid-air. She could block almost any ball from getting passed her. She especially liked soft, floppy toys that she would whip back and forth violently so she could practice her hunting skills.
-Bear loved almost all treats, but she could be prissy at times. If a stranger gave her a treat, she was sometimes unsure and wouldn't eat it. But most of the time she loved treats or wet dog food. If she heard you opening a treat package, she would immediately be sitting right by you, patiently waiting for a teat. She especially liked peanut butter-flavored treats, and the special peanut butter doggy ice cream.
-Sometimes Bear would play chase with us in the front yard. We would start chasing her and she would do her "crazy run" which would make us laugh. The harder we laughed, the more it seemed to egg her on to run and play and make us happy.
-Bear did't bark a lot. She mainly only barked when she saw or heard something out the front window, when she heard the UPS truck, or when one of us arrived home. I always had a hard time taking an afternoon nap, because as soon as Mike got home from work, she would wake me up with her excited barking.
-Bear loved people more than just about anything. When we went for walks, she would run up to almost everyone we saw with her tail wagging. I can't count the times when strangers would comment on what a great or beautiful dog she was. She was also very understanding with children. While she would sometimes be nervous or run away from the constant grabbing and touching of young children, she never growled or bit.
-Rolling in and eating grass were some of Bear's favorite things. We used to joke that she was part cow because she would literally graze on grass. Almost every time we went for a walk, if she found some nice lush grass, she would run and stop suddenly and drop and roll in it luxuriously for several seconds.
-Bear knew her name very well, and would come when called. But we also had lots of nicknames that she would come to also. Some of the things we would call her were - Beary, Dork, Pup, and Baby Bear. She loved being talked to and loved and rubbed. She would lean up against you when you rubbed her, and sometimes even flop right over onto her back. When I was on the couch and would put my feet up on the coffee table, she would sometimes lay right under my legs, even if that meant laying on top of my shoes.
Bear was the smartest, sweetest, most loving, most amazing animal I have ever encountered. We always told her we loved her when we left the house....and we meant it every time. Her soft licks and knowing looks will be deeply missed. If another pet makes its way into our lives someday, it will be hard-pressed to live up to the standard set by Bear. I know I should take my own advice in my last post and look for the good in this profound life change. But for now I can only morn for the loss of a piece of my soul.
