Merry Christmas everyone! Since I don't have any kids, I figure what better way to spend Christmas than relaxing with my husband and blogging. We have already made the rounds to my dad's house and my grandma's house. Now we at home and slowly drifting into sugar comas before it is back to my dad's house for Christmas dinner.
Lately I have noticed that when I hear advice about how to live a better life and be happier, it usually includes something about how you should follow your intuition. The thing is, for me, I seem to lack that gut feeling. I don't know if I was born with it and I lost it somewhere along the way, or if I never had it at all. But if I ever stop to try and figure out what my gut feeling is, I just get more and more confused.
It probably comes from my tendency to over-think just about everything. I will think one thing is right, but then an argument will come into my head for the opposing view. Then, before you know it, I have no clue what's right or wrong, let alone what I should do. I'm not sure it there's a way to develop intuition. It would be great to feel like I have a compass that I can always depend on. Some sort of guide. But what can I do, other than try my best to make the right decisions? I never intentionally try to do the wrong thing, so maybe that is as much intuition as I need.
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Virtual Reality
It seems like every time I think about blogging, something comes up to distract me from it and it never gets done. I really do like writing, but you couldn't tell from how often I do it. I actually do actively think about things to write about just about every day. One thing that has been on my mind lately is drug addicts. I'm not thinking about them in a negative way. I'm thinking about what happened in their lives to make them that way, and how great it must feel to leave all the pain behind if only for a few minutes or even seconds.
Many people look down on drug addicts because they think they a weak, or mean, or selfish, or overall bad people. But when I see a drug addict, I see a person who has felt so much pain in their life that the only way they can deal with it is to get high. Someone who is tortured by their very own thoughts and feelings. I see someone I can commiserate with.
Of course no one sets out to be a drug addict. They start out just wanting to have a little fun or forget their fears for a little while. But as life becomes harder to deal with, you want that escape more and more until you become physically dependent. I would be lying if I said I never wished for that pill that would take away all my worries and pain. To live in a drug-induced bliss might not be so bad.
The problem with that, of course, is that it never lasts. The drugs wear off, reality hits, and you are even worse off than you were before. But what if there were a blissful reality that never wore off? In the movie, The Matrix, people live in a virtual perfect world while their physical bodies are in a coma-like state. Some people don't like this because they want to experience "reality", no matter how harsh it may be. But what does it matter what is "real" or not if reality is only misery and torture? I don't know about you, but I would take a pleasurable virtual reality that feels "real" any day over a harsh "real" reality.
All of this virtual reality stuff may be getting confusing, but all I really want to say is that I have sympathy for drug addicts, and I don't blame them one one bit for wanting to escape a reality that can be all to miserable. Whether or not they can deal with reality enough to get clean is up to them. And if they never can quite get clean......I still don't blame them.
Many people look down on drug addicts because they think they a weak, or mean, or selfish, or overall bad people. But when I see a drug addict, I see a person who has felt so much pain in their life that the only way they can deal with it is to get high. Someone who is tortured by their very own thoughts and feelings. I see someone I can commiserate with.
Of course no one sets out to be a drug addict. They start out just wanting to have a little fun or forget their fears for a little while. But as life becomes harder to deal with, you want that escape more and more until you become physically dependent. I would be lying if I said I never wished for that pill that would take away all my worries and pain. To live in a drug-induced bliss might not be so bad.
The problem with that, of course, is that it never lasts. The drugs wear off, reality hits, and you are even worse off than you were before. But what if there were a blissful reality that never wore off? In the movie, The Matrix, people live in a virtual perfect world while their physical bodies are in a coma-like state. Some people don't like this because they want to experience "reality", no matter how harsh it may be. But what does it matter what is "real" or not if reality is only misery and torture? I don't know about you, but I would take a pleasurable virtual reality that feels "real" any day over a harsh "real" reality.
All of this virtual reality stuff may be getting confusing, but all I really want to say is that I have sympathy for drug addicts, and I don't blame them one one bit for wanting to escape a reality that can be all to miserable. Whether or not they can deal with reality enough to get clean is up to them. And if they never can quite get clean......I still don't blame them.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Trying Hard
Do you like my new background? I figured it was about time to challenge my computer skills once again and figure out a new look. All the text is not exactly the colors I wanted, but I have found there is only so much fine-tuning I can do with my blog before I feel like I might just have to punch the computer to get my point across. So I let the computer win the font color battle. Such is life.
I while ago I heard a song on the radio and one of the lyrics really stuck out to me. It said, "I'm trying so hard not to try so hard." Immediately this resonated with how I feel about my life a lot of the time. I try and try so hard to get things right and figure things out and live the right way, but ultimately I end up right back where I started. It's a paradox that only gets more confusing the more you think about it.
I'm not saying this because I am depressed or upset about life at the moment. Things haven't been bed. I'm only wondering if it's possible to get clarity or make much progress at all. Are humans striving for personal progress, or progress as a whole? And what constitutes progress anyway? Electronics? Medicine? Health? Art? Religion? What is the ultimate goal? What should we be "trying hard" at?
I don't suppose life will get any less confusing. I guess the best advice is to take one day at a time. Be kind to others. Do your best. Try to leave the world better off than when you entered it. And, most of all, enjoy yourself when you can, because, from what I can tell, it is all over way too fast.
I while ago I heard a song on the radio and one of the lyrics really stuck out to me. It said, "I'm trying so hard not to try so hard." Immediately this resonated with how I feel about my life a lot of the time. I try and try so hard to get things right and figure things out and live the right way, but ultimately I end up right back where I started. It's a paradox that only gets more confusing the more you think about it.
I'm not saying this because I am depressed or upset about life at the moment. Things haven't been bed. I'm only wondering if it's possible to get clarity or make much progress at all. Are humans striving for personal progress, or progress as a whole? And what constitutes progress anyway? Electronics? Medicine? Health? Art? Religion? What is the ultimate goal? What should we be "trying hard" at?
I don't suppose life will get any less confusing. I guess the best advice is to take one day at a time. Be kind to others. Do your best. Try to leave the world better off than when you entered it. And, most of all, enjoy yourself when you can, because, from what I can tell, it is all over way too fast.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Expectations
I knew it had been a while since I wrote, but I didn't realize it had been over a month. Geez! I need to crack down on myself. In my defense, life has been mostly uneventful, and blog topics don't just grow on trees. But now Mike's work schedule is changing so we won't have any days off together, and I will find myself with a lot more alone time. Time I can spend pondering what to write.....
So! You know that saying, "Where much is given, much is expected"? I hate that saying. You know why? Because people don't ask to be given much. That's the definition of a 'gift'. It it weren't a gift, you would be taking or borrowing. It would then make much more sense if the saying was, "Where much is taken, much is expected." If you have something taken from you, you could reasonably expect to get something back in a form of payment. But if you are giving things away, you really shouldn't be expecting anything.
In general, I have found expectations to be harmful and useless things. Nine times out of ten, when I expect something, it doesn't happen, or it doesn't happen how I thought it would. This usually leads to disappointment, which is never fun. Why can't people be happy with what already exists, and if something good happens, be all the happier? Why do they have to get their hopes up, only to have them squashed?
I know it is important to have hopes and dreams. Our desire to learn and progress is part of what makes us human. But I draw the line at expectations. I guess you could say hope is a more generalized form of expecting. You hope for the best, but you don't expect it. You hope your kid is smart after you paid for the best private schools, but you don't expect it. You hope you don't get cancer, but you don't expect it when so many people do get it. You hope your small business will be a success, but you don't expect it when the failure rate is so high.
I guess what I am trying to say, it that when you expect things to happen a certain way and they don't, your happiness takes a blow. But if you hope for things to happen the way you want, not as much harm is done if they don't happen. I would say hope is the way to go, instead of expecting. But who am I to say? Try it for yourself.
So! You know that saying, "Where much is given, much is expected"? I hate that saying. You know why? Because people don't ask to be given much. That's the definition of a 'gift'. It it weren't a gift, you would be taking or borrowing. It would then make much more sense if the saying was, "Where much is taken, much is expected." If you have something taken from you, you could reasonably expect to get something back in a form of payment. But if you are giving things away, you really shouldn't be expecting anything.
In general, I have found expectations to be harmful and useless things. Nine times out of ten, when I expect something, it doesn't happen, or it doesn't happen how I thought it would. This usually leads to disappointment, which is never fun. Why can't people be happy with what already exists, and if something good happens, be all the happier? Why do they have to get their hopes up, only to have them squashed?
I know it is important to have hopes and dreams. Our desire to learn and progress is part of what makes us human. But I draw the line at expectations. I guess you could say hope is a more generalized form of expecting. You hope for the best, but you don't expect it. You hope your kid is smart after you paid for the best private schools, but you don't expect it. You hope you don't get cancer, but you don't expect it when so many people do get it. You hope your small business will be a success, but you don't expect it when the failure rate is so high.
I guess what I am trying to say, it that when you expect things to happen a certain way and they don't, your happiness takes a blow. But if you hope for things to happen the way you want, not as much harm is done if they don't happen. I would say hope is the way to go, instead of expecting. But who am I to say? Try it for yourself.
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Travels
I was accurate when I predicted that work would take me away from blogging, but that's not the only reason I haven't posted in a while. Earlier this month I helped my brother and his family move to Louisiana so his wife could pursue her PhD at LSU. Then, this weekend, Mike took me on a small getaway to Park City to celebrate our anniversary which I was gone for because of my Louisiana trip. Riding to Louisiana in a moving truck that couldn't go faster than 60 mph was a challenge, so going to Park City was really the perfect little vacation to recharge.
For my trip to Louisiana, I rode with my brother, David, and gave him directions while the kids, his wife, and his wife's friend went ahead in the other car. We spent the night in Flagstaff, AZ, Albuquerque, NM, and Dallas, TX, before arriving in Baton Rouge, LA. I spent one full day in Baton Rouge, and then flew back to Utah early the next morning. I wish I could have stayed longer since it is hard being away from my family, and it was also interesting seeing a new place that is so different from where I live. But at the same time, I am very happy to be back home where I feel most comfortable. I don't know what it is about the mountains, but I love them so much, I don't think I could live somewhere that doesn't have them. For me, they mean stability, direction, beauty, and something constant and permanent in an ever-changing civilization.
I didn't take many pictures during my ride to Louisiana because, well, there wasn't really much to see. Lots of barren desert in Arizona and New Mexico, grassy plains and windmills in Texas, and trees and moisture in Louisiana. Here are a few of the pictures I did take.
These are some rock formations I found interesting. I think they were in Arizona?
This was one of quite a few rivers we crossed. I seemed to have an obsession with taking pictures of the rivers, but I don't why because they are really not that interesting. So I will only subject you to the one picture.
This is the house from the t.v. show "Breaking Bad". David and I drove around in Albuquerque to find some of the show locations. It was fun not just because of seeing the show locations, but also because I was born in Albuquerque. My family moved away when I was still a baby, so it was was kind of special to re-visit the place where I first started my life. I would love to return sometime when I have more time to enjoy it.
This is what Louisiana looks like, in case you were wondering. Trees and trees for as far as you can see. Kind of pretty, but also makes you feel a little isolated. When we got to Baton Rouge on the fourth day, it was already evening and we had to unload the moving truck. However, the air conditioning wasn't working in the new apartment, and we had to carry things up two flights of stairs, so things got really sweaty really fast. I think I got a better workout that night than I have ever had in my life. The next day was all about unpacking, driving around and getting oriented to the new place, and getting a bunk bed for the kids. In all hustle, I never did get to try any true Louisiana food, which was something I really wanted to do. I guess I will just have to go back to visit when things have calmed down.
This post is on the verge of getting incredibly long, but I can't stop without writing a little about Mike and I's awesome weekend in Park City. I don't think I could have had a more perfect vacation. The hotel room was beautiful. The hot tub and pool were relaxing. The food was delicious. The zip line was exhilarating. Here are a few pictures of our very nice hotel room.
I don't think I have ever stayed in a room that nice. It even smelled fresh! In the morning, we took the complimentary shuttle to breakfast at a small cafe by the water. The view could not have been more gorgeous.
The rest of the day was spent conquering the zip-line, soaking in the pool, and strolling through the small shops on main street. Mike and I enjoyed every second of the much-needed relaxation. We only wish it could have lasted longer. I'm sure we will be returning in the future.
For my trip to Louisiana, I rode with my brother, David, and gave him directions while the kids, his wife, and his wife's friend went ahead in the other car. We spent the night in Flagstaff, AZ, Albuquerque, NM, and Dallas, TX, before arriving in Baton Rouge, LA. I spent one full day in Baton Rouge, and then flew back to Utah early the next morning. I wish I could have stayed longer since it is hard being away from my family, and it was also interesting seeing a new place that is so different from where I live. But at the same time, I am very happy to be back home where I feel most comfortable. I don't know what it is about the mountains, but I love them so much, I don't think I could live somewhere that doesn't have them. For me, they mean stability, direction, beauty, and something constant and permanent in an ever-changing civilization.
I didn't take many pictures during my ride to Louisiana because, well, there wasn't really much to see. Lots of barren desert in Arizona and New Mexico, grassy plains and windmills in Texas, and trees and moisture in Louisiana. Here are a few of the pictures I did take.
These are some rock formations I found interesting. I think they were in Arizona?
This was one of quite a few rivers we crossed. I seemed to have an obsession with taking pictures of the rivers, but I don't why because they are really not that interesting. So I will only subject you to the one picture.
This is the house from the t.v. show "Breaking Bad". David and I drove around in Albuquerque to find some of the show locations. It was fun not just because of seeing the show locations, but also because I was born in Albuquerque. My family moved away when I was still a baby, so it was was kind of special to re-visit the place where I first started my life. I would love to return sometime when I have more time to enjoy it.
This is what Louisiana looks like, in case you were wondering. Trees and trees for as far as you can see. Kind of pretty, but also makes you feel a little isolated. When we got to Baton Rouge on the fourth day, it was already evening and we had to unload the moving truck. However, the air conditioning wasn't working in the new apartment, and we had to carry things up two flights of stairs, so things got really sweaty really fast. I think I got a better workout that night than I have ever had in my life. The next day was all about unpacking, driving around and getting oriented to the new place, and getting a bunk bed for the kids. In all hustle, I never did get to try any true Louisiana food, which was something I really wanted to do. I guess I will just have to go back to visit when things have calmed down.
This post is on the verge of getting incredibly long, but I can't stop without writing a little about Mike and I's awesome weekend in Park City. I don't think I could have had a more perfect vacation. The hotel room was beautiful. The hot tub and pool were relaxing. The food was delicious. The zip line was exhilarating. Here are a few pictures of our very nice hotel room.
I don't think I have ever stayed in a room that nice. It even smelled fresh! In the morning, we took the complimentary shuttle to breakfast at a small cafe by the water. The view could not have been more gorgeous.
The rest of the day was spent conquering the zip-line, soaking in the pool, and strolling through the small shops on main street. Mike and I enjoyed every second of the much-needed relaxation. We only wish it could have lasted longer. I'm sure we will be returning in the future.
Friday, July 19, 2013
Getting To Know You
I will be returning to my tax form job soon, so I have been trying to squeeze in a bit more blog writing before the inevitable lack of free time comes along. I am excited to be going back, but also a little sad about less time to myself.
As a shy sort of person, I don't become close to very many people. That's not to say that I don't enjoy being around people. In fact, I would say I like being around people more often than not. The problem arises when it comes to trusting people. More than once in my life, I have gotten close to someone, only to be severely hurt by that person later on. That's why it's hard for me to get close to people. The logic goes like this - If you share your innermost feelings and secrets with someone, that person can use those things against you if you have a falling out. I not only keep most of my feelings and secrets to myself, but just about everything about me, because I am extra cautious.
The problem with this logic is that you may be safe from getting hurt, but you also never feel the joy and connection that can come from being close to people. Sometimes I wish I could break through my shyness and really connect with other people, then other times I remember the horrible hurt that others can dish out. So I suppose it is wise to be careful with your thoughts and feelings, and to look for people who have an aura of kindness about them. (I have always been drawn to really nice people who don't judge, and I strive to be that same kind of person.) But ultimately, you will always have to take that leap of faith if you want to connect with someone.
As a shy sort of person, I don't become close to very many people. That's not to say that I don't enjoy being around people. In fact, I would say I like being around people more often than not. The problem arises when it comes to trusting people. More than once in my life, I have gotten close to someone, only to be severely hurt by that person later on. That's why it's hard for me to get close to people. The logic goes like this - If you share your innermost feelings and secrets with someone, that person can use those things against you if you have a falling out. I not only keep most of my feelings and secrets to myself, but just about everything about me, because I am extra cautious.
The problem with this logic is that you may be safe from getting hurt, but you also never feel the joy and connection that can come from being close to people. Sometimes I wish I could break through my shyness and really connect with other people, then other times I remember the horrible hurt that others can dish out. So I suppose it is wise to be careful with your thoughts and feelings, and to look for people who have an aura of kindness about them. (I have always been drawn to really nice people who don't judge, and I strive to be that same kind of person.) But ultimately, you will always have to take that leap of faith if you want to connect with someone.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Pointless Paperlessness
I may have written about this subject before, but I get forgetful in my old age, and frankly, I don't think anyone cares if I repeat myself. So here it goes.....
So many businesses are advocating "going paperless" these days, and I can't understand what all the hype is about. They want you to get e-mail statements instead of getting a bill or statement mailed to you. I understand that companies do this to save money on mailing, but what exactly is the benefit to me? According to the companies, the benefit is less paper clutter for me and I am helping the environment by using less paper. I don't buy that for a second. Let me tell you why.
Going paperless doesn't create less clutter for me because I would have to print out a copy of all my documents for my files. If anything, that is more wasteful because I have to buy incredibly expensive ink for my printer when a big company could print off millions of statements for a fraction of the cost. I guess I could file my documents electronically on the the computer, but that makes me very nervous for a couple of reasons. One, the computer could crash and I could loose all my information. Two, I am much better at organizing files when I have a physical copy. Things seem to get lost and forgotten in the cyber world. Finally, I don't like the idea of receiving personal information through e-mail. Most e-mail is not very secure, and if the information is not directly in the e-mail and I have to sign into a website to get my statement, that is, again, more work for me.
I also don't buy into the idea that going paperless is helping the environment. Even if I decided to get all my statements electronically, I would still go out to my mailbox and find huge wads of ads stuffed in there EVERY DAY. I don't ask for these ads, and they usually go straight into the recycling bin before I even look at them. It seems very inappropriate to say that my tiny amount of bills is hurting the environment when companies are sending out truckloads of ads that people don't even want.
I have been resisting the paperless craze for a while now, but I may give in someday when it becomes impossible to resist the forward flow of new technology. Call me old fashioned, but I am reluctant to rely on any sort of technology too much. So until companies absolutely refuse to send me a paper statement, I will take paper, and let them provide a small service to me for being a customer.
So many businesses are advocating "going paperless" these days, and I can't understand what all the hype is about. They want you to get e-mail statements instead of getting a bill or statement mailed to you. I understand that companies do this to save money on mailing, but what exactly is the benefit to me? According to the companies, the benefit is less paper clutter for me and I am helping the environment by using less paper. I don't buy that for a second. Let me tell you why.
Going paperless doesn't create less clutter for me because I would have to print out a copy of all my documents for my files. If anything, that is more wasteful because I have to buy incredibly expensive ink for my printer when a big company could print off millions of statements for a fraction of the cost. I guess I could file my documents electronically on the the computer, but that makes me very nervous for a couple of reasons. One, the computer could crash and I could loose all my information. Two, I am much better at organizing files when I have a physical copy. Things seem to get lost and forgotten in the cyber world. Finally, I don't like the idea of receiving personal information through e-mail. Most e-mail is not very secure, and if the information is not directly in the e-mail and I have to sign into a website to get my statement, that is, again, more work for me.
I also don't buy into the idea that going paperless is helping the environment. Even if I decided to get all my statements electronically, I would still go out to my mailbox and find huge wads of ads stuffed in there EVERY DAY. I don't ask for these ads, and they usually go straight into the recycling bin before I even look at them. It seems very inappropriate to say that my tiny amount of bills is hurting the environment when companies are sending out truckloads of ads that people don't even want.
I have been resisting the paperless craze for a while now, but I may give in someday when it becomes impossible to resist the forward flow of new technology. Call me old fashioned, but I am reluctant to rely on any sort of technology too much. So until companies absolutely refuse to send me a paper statement, I will take paper, and let them provide a small service to me for being a customer.
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