Stay Calm And Carry On

I feel bad for going so long in between blog posts, but I recently discovered the criticism that some professional bloggers endure. So I probably wouldn't want to blog professionally, even if I could make a living from it. On the other hand, there are a lot of blogs that I read that are so unprofessional, it's embarrassing. Most of these blogs are written by people I went to school with, so that makes me wonder if the school system was that bad, or if I just studied and learned more than most of those people. Either way, it makes me embarrassed that these peers of mine misspell simple words and can't use grammar or sentence structure to save their lives. Don't they at least have spell check?! I say, if you are going to put something on the internet for all to see, at least try to sound a little intelligent. I guess the trend now is dumping all your garbage on the internet for other people to slog through. I wonder if there is more useful information than crap left on the internet. More and more, people would rather be entertained than learn something. That's neither here nor there.

My original topic for this post was the saying, "Stay calm and carry on." I know it's a British saying, but I might just adopt it because I like it quite a bit. I don't think this saying is about being unemotional, as some people have said. To me it means pressing forward with dignity and grace when things are hard, rather than falling to pieces or lashing out at others at the slightest difficulty. While I see nothing wrong with being able to express your emotions freely, I think there are many people out there who could learn a little more self-control. Is it always best to immediately say something nasty back to someone who has said something nasty to you? When your car breaks down, is is good to let out a long string of curses or burst into tears? When you find out you have a chronic disease, should you wallow in self-pity and give up on life? I think the answer to all those questions is 'no'. When difficulties arise, stay clam and carry on, and you might find your problems are a little easier to get through.

Living Today

I recently read a quote from Albert Einstein that said, "I never worry about the future, it comes soon enough." It struck me how good it would be to put this into practice. Too often people plan and worry so much about the future that it comes at the expense of living the present moment. What is the future other than more of what we are living right now? Things change in the future, but none of those changes are for certain. If we are constantly thinking about the future, that is what we will continue to do in the future, and nothing will ever be good enough to enjoy because we will always be anticipating the 'next big thing'. I think it is important to plan some for the future, but more important to live your life right now.

I also recently saw this German music video, and if you can get past the weirdness of it, you will find out that he is singing about starting fresh and new. Maybe it's just me, but I saw a link between the Einstein quote and this video. What it means to me is, live in the present and also don't be afraid to start over at any time. You only have one life, so why waste it being something you don't want to be? Why be afraid of starting over when the only moment you have for sure is now?

Gandhi once said, "Action expresses priorities." I know I have a lot of work to do when it comes to living each day to the fullest. I hope I can take action to express that living fully without fear of mistakes or the future is a priority.

Expectations Of Reality

Have you ever been really excited for something only to be very disappointed when it actually happens? I'm not talking about the disappointment that comes when something goes wrong like burning the food or doing badly on a test. I'm talking about when everything goes according to plan, but in the end it just doesn't live up to your expectations. Examples of this would be going to Disneyland and not having that much fun, or throwing a party where guests leave unimpressed, or going on a date with someone you have been dying to meet, only to find out you don't have a connection. It happened like you expected, but you didn't get the feelings you expected.

I have found that this disconnect between reality and perception usually comes from believing too much of what we see in t.v. or movies. How many commercials or shows have you seen where everything just falls into place perfectly? Picture a commercial where a couple is having a romantic picnic on the beach at dusk. They have champagne and a big blanket and they both look amazing in their beach clothes. They kiss under the stars and stare deeply into each other's eyes as the waves crash in the distance. Sounds great, right? But then think about what might happen if you really tried to do that. You might have had a hard day at work, and you don't look so amazing. You might get sand in your underwear and come home with a horrible rash. You might park in a bad spot and get a parking ticket. You might be worried about your kids who are at home with the babysitter. You might be really cold because you forgot to bring your jacket. You might be fumbling in the dark for the champagne and then spill it all over yourself and the blanket.

I admit that not everything went perfect in that scenario, but even if it had, it probably wouldn't have been as perfect as in the commercial. That's because t.v. isn't reality, but we tend to think that it is because we see it so much. We expect things to be as perfect as they are on t.v., and when they aren't we are disappointed. People need to remember that things rarely turn out as well as they do on t.v. That's just not how life works.

One way I have found to get past the perception of perfection, is to not go into something with high expectations. That doesn't mean you can't be happy or excited about something. Just don't get your hopes so high that it is hard to recover if they are smashed. Also, when you leave expectations behind, you are free to live without any restrictions on what "should" happen. It can be very freeing to "let the chips fall where they may", so to speak. You may even be pleasantly surprised by the good things you weren't expecting.

Getting Better

I may or may not have mentioned on here that I got a sewing machine from Mike for Christmas. I had been wanting one for a while, not because I am some sort of master of sewing, but because it is something that I enjoy and am always learning about. Plus, it's nice to have a sewing machine if anything ever needs mending. I know most people these days are likely to just throw clothes away if they they get holes. But you know me. I like to make things last.

The only formal training I ever had on a sewing machine was in junior high school where I learned how to do things like threading the sewing machine and making pillow cases. My mom had an old sewing machine that weighed about a thousand pounds that I could practice on at home. During my early teens I used that thing to practice my latest obsession - making small bean bags that could be played with like hacky-sacks. Not that I ever had any skill at hacky-sack. Those bean bags mostly came in handy for throwing at my brothers.

When I was in my late teens, my brother came to me with the brilliant idea of making a quilt for his then girlfriend (now wife) on the 1000-pound clunker. Aw the stupid ambition of young love. I agreed to help him even though I had never made anything more than a pillow case and a hacky-sack. He bought a book on quilt-making for beginners and we began our haphazard journey.

In the end we finished that quilt after countless calculations and measurements, huge expenses on fabric and supplies, and many long hours cursing at the sewing machine. And wouldn't you know it, it actually turned out somewhat nice. Here is what it looked like -

You would think I would have remembered all that when I got my new sewing machine and decided to make a quilt for Mike. I didn't. But surprisingly it wasn't as bad as the first time. I guess it helps that newer machines are quite a bit easier to work with than what my mom had. Or maybe something is starting to sink in. Anyway, here is the finished product -

Mike LOVED it, even with all the mistakes I made on it. There must be something addicting about quilt-making, because I think I may even try to make another one someday.

To Fall Is Connected To Try

Here is my new favorite song. If you're a girl, you will probably enjoy the male underwear dancing. No so much if you're a guy. But there are other reasons I like this song.

One reason I like it is because it has a good message - "To fall is connected to try." In other words, sometimes you will fail when you try something new, but that doesn't mean you should never try. Falling and trying are connected, so there is no reason to be afraid of failure.

Another reason I really like this video is because it always makes me smile at the idea of letting loose and going crazy once in a while. If I am feeling uptight, sad, or stressed, I just watch this video and realize there is a simple solution to my negative feelings - Just let go of them and relax. I don't even have to smash everything in my house to feel better. Just changing your mindset works wonders.

Finally, I enjoy this music video because I think the guy is a good dancer. He may not do tons of fancy moves, but the ones he does do make him look so free and happy that it makes me want to get up and dance. And let me tell you, I AM NOT A DANCER. It would probably take me a month just to learn what he does in that video. Coordination is not my strong suit. It probably comes from being born to two intellectual, logical, nerds. I'm not bitter, though. I'll just dance while no one is watching, and if some things get broken in the process, IT WASN'T INTENTIONAL.

Doing Your Best

I once read a book where the main character's mother was cold and emotionally unavailable because she couldn't handle very much emotional stress. Most people would condemn that mother for not giving her son what he needed. I think that while there may be some validity to that criticism, it is not entirely the mother's fault. Maybe, the way her body and mind worked, prevented her from being able the process emotions like most other people. Maybe she was doing her best.

We often hear the saying, "Just do your best." But even when people do their best we still often criticize them for not doing enough. Everyone's 'best' is different, yet that doesn't stop people from comparing others to some sort of standard.

Emotional standards are even more tricky and misunderstood than physical standards. It is easy to say that a person of a certain age and size should be able to do so many push-ups, or so many sit-ups. It is more difficult to say, for example, how many things a person should be able to process in their mind at once, or how long it should take a person to get over a loss. The standards for these kinds of things are less specific, yet there are still expectations. If you are grieving the death of a loved one for too long, people start to say there is something wrong with you. If you are not as emotional as other people, you are considered strange or bad. But what if you are doing your best, and you just can't live up to all the standards?

There are many people who believe that if a person isn't living up to socially acceptable standards, then they need to do something to 'fix' themselves. This means things like therapy, counseling, and research. I agree that many of these can be helpful to people in psychological distress. But at what point does a person stop being 'broken'? Some people are made differently than others, and just because their 'best' isn't up to snuff doesn't necessarily mean their is something wrong with that person that needs to be fixed. Even if that person wants to fix something about themselves, not everything is fixable. Just as you don't 'fix' a missing leg, you don't 'fix' all psychological problems. You learn to live with it.

You wouldn't expect a person with one leg and one prosthetic leg to be able to run as fast as someone with two legs. So why would you expect someone who had a difficult time with emotions to be able to deal with them the same as someone who doesn't? Just because you can see a weakness doesn't make it any more valid than a weakness you can't see.

So next time someone tells you they are doing their best to make it through this life, maybe you should accept it as good enough instead of pushing for better.

The Next Generation

I grew up during the time when the Harry Potter books were just coming out. I resisted reading them at first because, as Mike will tell you, I am not a big fan of fantasy. But the moment I finished the first book, I was hooked. I don't know what it was about those books. They just made me forget about my problems when I read them and they drew me in and left me breathless to find out what would happen next. Then came the movies and I was so excited to see the story come to life.

Every generation seems to have that one story or show that so many people resonate with. These stories usually showcase the best in human traits - strength, courage, love, determination, knowledge. They seem to uplift people and give them more hope and optimism in their own lives. Before Harry Potter it was Star Wars, Star Trek, and Lord of the Rings.

Most recently the story that resonates with most people is Twilight. This doesn't sit well with me because I read the first book and, although it was interesting, it didn't grip me. I couldn't find the values and inspiration that where in previous stories. Love was the only one I could find, and even that was tainted with jealousy and anger.

I think society's love for Twilight speaks to an overall deterioration of intellect and strong values. People would rather give into their desires without earning anything through hard work.

I admit I have not read any Twilight books beyond the first one and I refuse to see the movies. So I'm sure there are those who will argue that the values are there if I just look a little deeper. Maybe they are there, but I still can't shake this feeling that there has been a shift in society. It's not just Twilight. This degeneration seems to be everywhere.

I don't mean to be cynical. I always try to see the best in human nature, and I know there are many good people out there. I only hope the good will outweigh the bad.